The Exile

Farewell - at least for now

2010-12-15T00:05:00.000Z

I really should have posted this valedictory comment a long time ago, but what with one thing and another it got forgotten about.

Since I now live in Northern England, having a blog that looks at home from the perspective of an outsider makes no sense, so I have decided to close it.

Maybe one day I will start a new blog, and if I do then I will leave a post here to link to it. In the meantime The Exile can sit happily as an archive site, so feel free to wander around it. Please note that if you leave a comment it will get caught by a filter and will not appear.

Bye for now!

Blog Announcement

2010-08-12T09:05:00.000+01:00

What's happening with the Exile? The quick answer is that your favourite blogger is basically living on the charity of an old mate and must soon move elsewhere. That elsewhere is going to be one of the the northern mill towns, and the act of sorting out accommodation, buying a minimum amount of furniture and then arranging the transportation is turning out to be more time consuming than I ever imagined.

Rather than mess about any further I am putting the blog into hibernation until the start of September. Let me sort these problems out and once I have a place to lay my head then I will restart the blog.

Is this the way to hit the social work industry?

2010-08-02T00:05:00.002+01:00

Christopher Booker is still throwing stones larger than himself at the social work industry and getting some fairly outraged comments from people who share his anger at the antics of these bovine sub-normals. On commentator suggested that since Booker is prevented by the secrecy laws from naming names the papers should be sent to Wikileaks - all in all the outrage is palpable in the extreme.

The problem is that as this blog can testify, tales of social work vermin only serve to lose readers. Most people in this country have neither young children nor elderly relatives, and so they don't see any reason why they should worry about someone else's problem. Most of the campaigning groups are headed by people who have had some direct and personal problem with those leaches and thus can be dismissed as people with an axe to grind.

It may be that the way to go after them is via the cost of keeping a large body of sub-normal retards on the public payroll. If an attack on the social work industry can be presented as being about saving money, and thus lowering the tax bill, then it might just awaken public interest.

Vote for the Exile!

2010-07-30T00:05:00.000+01:00

Total Politics is running its top 100 blog list again and this year your friendly old Exile forgot all about it which means we will be lucky to keep our place in the list. Voting ends at midnight on Saturday, so please create your list of at least five British blogs and number them in order of preference. E-mail the list to toptenblogs@totalpolitics.com and don't forget to list at number one:

The Exile - http://exile-blog.blogspot.com

Cheers!

How to catch women

2010-07-29T00:05:00.000+01:00

I was having a drink and fell to chatting with a young fellow who was bemoaning his lack of leg-overs. Being an amiable soul your friendly old Exile fell to reminiscing, and what follows is the sum total of that reverie. There are basically two ways in which a man can ensure a steady supply of pussy. . .

As a young fellow I worked shifts so the weekends were not exactly special for me. I would go out from Monday to Thursday inclusive to hunt for women. It wasn't a case of looking for this or that type of girl, all I was after was a jump and if you are willing to dedicate four nights a week to the hunt, then pussy will come your way. I was lucky in the sense that I drove a nice car and looked like a rising young executive, however by the time madam had discovered the truth about me it was too late and another notch had been added to my cock. My relationships lasted on average about four to six weeks, and then I started again hunting for a fresh source of leg-over material. Between the ages of 18 and 28 I reckon that I averaged between six to ten women a year for that decade. I can't be more precise: after all those years the faces kind of blur and the memory fades.

Fast forward to my years in Mexico and looking back it seemed as if the supply of tight young things was too numerous to count. Sure I had the advantage of being white and exotic, but there was more to it than that: I had status as well.

In my case the status came from being a professor, but women are not particularly interested in the ins and outs of the status: all that matters is that he has plenty of it. I could have been a drug dealer and the effect would have been the same. Hard though is is for men to understand - because all we want is a nice shine on our knobs - but women get turned on by a man's status. So when they claim that they are not interested in money they are probably telling the literal truth - the point is that a high status man usually has plenty of readies to flash around, but it is the status that gets them nice and moist.

So what is the lesson for today, young fellows? Well, in your 20s when you have plenty of stamina then you can chase cunt all day and every day and you will probably get enough to keep both you and your cock happy. As you get older you might want to consider either doing something that gives off the aura of success or learning to bullshit so that your little darling thinks that you are a success. Of course she will figure out the truth pretty damned quickly, but so long as you have had your jump, what do you care?

Reading the pearls of wisdom from the friendly old Exile: you know it makes sense.

A future for social workers?

2010-07-22T00:05:00.000+01:00

Christopher Booker over at the Telegraph has developed a real interest in doing over the social work industry. Now that we have a government that does not rely on the votes of creatures like that we should put aside our differences with types like the good Mr Booker an join in the kicking.

The only problem we have is that so many people who form part of the anti-social work alliance are those who have suffered personally at the industry's hands. That makes them keen as mustard, but it also allows the social work industry to question their motives. That is not something that the fuckers can do with this blog, but we are just one small voice.

What is needed is for other blogs to get their kicking boots on and join in the fun. We don't want to debate with these maggots we just want to see the fuckers doing something more in keeping with their intellectual abilities:

Yes, thank you, I will have chips with that burger, Mr Ex-Social Worker.

Afghan War to end in 2014

2010-07-19T00:05:00.000+01:00

Britain's contribution to the war against Afghanistan will end in 2014 according to secret documents obtained by the Independent. Which rather begs the question, who will be the last British solider to die so that our politicians can demonstrate their loyalty to America?

Cameron is wrong over Raoul Moat Affair

2010-07-15T08:45:00.000+01:00

Nobody emerges with any credit from the Raoul Moat affair. Start with Samantha Stobbart who took the opportunity of his imprisonment to tell him that she was dumping him and then in one of those moments that women sometimes have, went on to write that she was getting poked by a pig. That last bit was untrue but it seems to have triggered the rampage. Nice one, Sammie. Then go on to all the police forces who were involved and who turned out to be the Keystone Cops, as directed by Fred Karno, and you will agree that there is enough shit here to cover everyone involved.

However, the biggest dollop must go to the government, especially David Cameron who decided in one of those brain fart moments that politicians sometimes have that he would condemn the people who rather sympathise with the late Mr Moat. The fart then became even louder when he went on to call for Facebook to censor a tribute page to Raoul Moat that somebody had set up.

All that Cameron has done is to make the late Moat into even more of a hero in parts of his old stomping grounds and ensure that yet more Facebook pages are created. An issue that would have died as much of a death as Moat himself now looks set to run and run.

Nice one, Dave.

Britain revokes Anna Chapman's passport

2010-07-14T00:05:00.000+01:00

The government has revoked the British passport of Russian born Anna Chapman, the girl the American accused of spying.

Given that all she seems to have done is take publicly available information and then pass it on as being the results of her efforts, surely Britain could have given her a job? She could have been put to work researching student essays and cobbling together dodgy dossiers out of them to help justify the next lunatic war of aggression.

One in five people in Britain will be enrichers by 2050

2010-07-13T08:45:00.001+01:00

Get ready to celebrate a bit more diversity in Britain! A decade ago just 8% of the British population consisted of immigrants and their descendants, but that looks set to rise to 20% by the middle of the century as yet more people flood in to enrich our country by their presence. What a marvellous land it will be when fully one in five of the population is of the enricher caste.

On Admiral Horthy and modern Britain

2010-07-12T00:05:00.002+01:00

From 1920 to 1944, the dictator of Hungary was Admiral Horthy: a strange title, indeed, for Hungary was a completely landlocked nation, with no navy whatsoever.

Hungary is certainly landlocked, but there was nothing strange about Horthy's rank. Austria-Hungary had a long coastline and a pretty large navy until the state fell apart in late 1918. You would expect well-paid BBC journalist to know things like that. Not because he has done his research, but because he is a well-read man who just has that basic information in his mind.

The fact that this one didn't says a lot not only about him, but about the state of Britain today.

British cut and run in Afghanistan

2010-07-08T01:15:00.001+01:00

When even the Telegraph has to admit that the British have been forced out of Sangin by the Afghan resistance, then you know that something about the forward march of imperialism has gone pear-shaped. It would be nice to be able to equate this latest victory for the people's arms as coming under the leadership of el Che, Fidel, or good old Uncle Ho, instead of a bunch of inbred primitives who stick their noses in the dirt and their arses in the air five times a day. However, beggers can't be choosers. . .

It has been a long, cold decade since 1999 and the war against Yugoslavia, but now we can see the end to the business. The forward march of globalised capitalism has been turned back by the Iraqis and the Afghans fighting for ideologies that are far older than socialism.

Given that we spent the time arguing amongst ourselves I suppose that we should just be grateful that someone, anyone, was willing to stand against the common enemy - and beat him!

Budget thoughts

2010-07-06T01:15:00.000+01:00

The interesting thing about the reaction to the recent budget on the estates is that there is no reaction: nobody seems to care. We are told that the budget will hurt the poorest, but just how true is that claim? Housing benefit is to be capped at some point in the future and also at some future point the people claiming invalidity benefit may have to see a doctor more often to be assessed for work, but other than that nothing has really changed. The working poor will see their incomes increase with the rise in tax thresholds, which is something that most normal people will support.

Frankly, this is not a budget that the working man is going to get tied into knots over.

Advice for a young man

2010-07-05T00:05:00.001+01:00

I was having a drink with my 21 year old nephew the other day, as he sat with his head in his hands bemoaning his fate. Translated into simple English, his girlfriend has dumped him and he thinks that the world will come to an end.

Casting around for something to say I made what I thought was the very obvious point that we get better with age and women just get old. My nephew looked at his favourite tio and cocked his head to one side, thus encouraging me to continue. He will be very attractive to women in thirty years time, when men will pass the bird who dumped him without a second glance. The fellows are competing with each other now for her attention, but let him wait a few years until all the makeup in the world cannot hide the sags and cellulite.

Not only that but the next generation of prime young pussy will be competing with each other to get my nephew's attention, especially when he finishes his postgraduate degree in this country. He will be fighting them off and if I am still alive then I asked that he toss me some of his leavings which made him laugh.

So relax nephew, and all you other young fellows out there who are reading this. Life may not be so great at 20 but it is seriously bloody good later on - that's when we come into our own!

On buying razor blades in the Midlands

2010-06-24T00:05:00.001+01:00

I am on my travels again, back to that armpit of England known as the West Midlands. I arrived on Monday, spent Tuesday in meetings and then the evening in a pub getting very, very drunk. It really is the only way to survive this part of the world.

Finding myself out of razor blades I went in into the local Morrison's and asked for a pack of safety blades. I am pleased to report that the bloke that I spoke to was a typical Brummie fucktard who had no idea what safety blades were - he just waved vaguely in the direction of the razors. I spoke to a manager who sort of knew what I wanted and he explained that they don't sell them because they are dangerous. Your friendly old Exile replied that they are called safety blades because they are very safe inside a razor, and were a great step-up from the old open razor that the very old men used when I was a boy, but I was wasting my time.

Next week is Leicester: aren't I a lucky old soul?

Farewell to Gimlet Kamm

2010-06-22T00:15:00.000+01:00

Gimlet Kamm has a valedictory post up, basically saying goodbye to most of his readers before the Times goes behind its new pay wall. Being the nicest of all bloggers, I left a comment saying that in the days when the Independent had its wall people would download the latest Robert Fisk piece and repost it around the web. I went on to posit that this was unlikely to happen with anything that Gimlet wrote so it was time to say goodbye. I did mention that I would miss him since whenever I got stuck for a story a trip over to his blog always gave me an easy posting and a cheap laugh. I knew that the short-arsed little fucktard wouldn't let the comment through, but I also knew that he would at least read it, and that was all that mattered.

Later on that evening, just after Anthea my spunk-hungry little sex slave had finished deep throating me, but before she had time to remove her middle finger from my bum, a ping told me that a mail had arrived at my computer. I swear by the air that I breath, the beer that I drink and the pussy that I fuck that it was from Gimlet. This is what he wrote:

Thank you for posting your latest comment to my blog. I'm afraid that none is ever published as your racism and praise for the BNP violate this newspaper's guidelines. OK

What can I say? I have never praised the BNP, and I will drink beer with any man and shag any woman of whatever hue, dusky or otherwise. Even if that were not the case so long as I keep within the Time's guidelines for my postings they should be acceptable. Luckily I have kept all my comments to Gimlet's blog so I may take this up with the press complaints' council.

What do I reckon? I reckon that the short-arsed little fucktard got angry and he couldn't resist banging out a mail to me. Truly, I shall miss the little wazzock when he is not around. In the meantime it only remains for me to say:

Game! Set! Match!

James Dinsdale was also shafting Anastasia Beaumont-Bott

2010-06-22T00:05:00.000+01:00

Just when you thought that the Caroline Nokes and James Dinsdale sex scandal couldn't get any more entertaining, up comes a new development to prove you wrong. Step forward the magnificently named Anastasia Beaumont-Bott, another of Jim's former squeezes who just happens to be a lesbian. Well she is now and claims that it was getting shafted by Jim that flipped her onto the other side.

The problem that Anastasia has is that she dumped the Tories and is now a Nu-Labour hackette, which means that she is fair game to the Tory wolves. Readers of this blog will be interested to learn that our Stacy enjoys late night steamy chats on MSM and recordings of the chats are available according to at least one Tory source.

The message being put out is quite simple: keep your fat gob shut, Stace, or we release the lot.

Caroline Nokes sex video

2010-06-21T00:05:00.000+01:00

Caroline Nokes - that's her on the left flashing the old stocking top upskirt for your pervy pleasure - is at the centre of a new row when it emerged yesterday that she is Britain's latest porn star. To be fair she only found out about it as she was about to leave the hotel where she had been industriously engaged in shining up the knob of her 27-year old lover, James Dinsdale. The camera that had been fixed to the ceiling fell onto the bed and the brainless bitch then called the police who promptly leaked the story to the press. The video has not got into the public domain yet, but it is only a matter of time before it does, so stay tuned for that. Dinsdale was asked if he knew anything about the camera and replied "no comment."

You really couldn't make this shit up, could you?

Weekending: hilarious Suzi Perry upskirt video

2010-06-18T00:15:00.001+01:00

Someone went to a lot of trouble to create this Suzi Perry upskirt video for your pervy pleasure. Just click on the photo and you will see what I mean.

Don't forget that we have the Suzi Perry Royal Ascot upskirt video as well!

Will Louise Bagshawe provide the next Tory sex scandal?

2010-06-17T00:05:00.001+01:00

Following on from the Caroline Nokes affair, who will be the next bit of Tory talent to provide us with another sex scandal to laugh over? The favourite must be Louise "Barker" Bagshawe, to be the next to take the field as Slapper of the House.

Barker got the nickname at Oxford due to her insistence on taking it doggy-style and by all accounts she was the university's bike back in the day. She married and went all Papist and self-righteous but newly divorced she might just revert back to type and start wrapping her legs around all and sundry. She will obviously have to get a move on as she will be 39 later on this month, and all that cellulite and saggy bits that women get quite early on tends to put a lot of men off their stride.

This blog has its money of Barker to be up next as the Commons' slapper.

Was Caroline Nokes set up by James Dinsdale?

2010-06-15T00:05:00.002+01:00

Who tipped off the Daily Mirror to the fact that Caroline Nokes and James Dinsdale were about to meet in a hotel? Tory Bear thinks that it was Dinsdale himself, and as evidence he points to the fact that the Mirror knew about the assignation, which hotel it was due to take place in and even in which room the couple were staying. The Exile is curious to know just how the paper got the news about the text that Caroline sent to Jimmy from the Commons' chamber - the one that said she was bored with the debate? All this information can really only have come from one or the other of the two participants.

The Tory Bear also considers Jimmy's one line press statement which read: "I can confirm Caroline Nokes and I have had a sexual relationship. I have no further comment," as further evidence of Jimmy's complicity in the deed. What kind of man would say that about his lover? Any normal man would want to protect her from the coming storm, but Jimmy seems to have thrown the woman that he has just had sex with to the wolves.

Why he did it is anyone's guess. One internet rumour has it that Caroline is getting a bit long in the tooth and is no longer the sexy MILF that she was when they met four years ago. Now, fat and pushing 40, she is a bit of an embarrassment to a bright young Tory like Jimmy, so it is time to not only get shut, but to make a few bob from the papers by doing it.

Caroline Nokes polishes Tory toyboy's knob

2010-06-14T00:05:00.011+01:00

Is David Cameron jinxed? He phones the England team in South Africa to wish them well and sales of Rob Green shirts go through the fucking roof - in Scotland at any rate. During the election campaign he praised 37 year old Caroline Nokes as a hardworking local woman and it turns out that her hard work involves polishing her toyboy's knob at public expense. That's right, this slapper is the first of the new parliamentary intake to be embroiled in a combined sex and financial scandal.

The sex part came to light when Caroline texted her lover, Tory Councillor James Dinsdale (27) that she was bored with a Commons' debate -we at Team Exile get the feeling that Caroline has a bra size larger than her IQ - and the two made plans to meet up at the four star Kensington Close Hotel later that evening.

She arrived at 11.20pm and Jimmy showed up ten minutes later ludicrously wearing a hooded top to be let into the room by Caroline who had smile of anticipation on her lips. Jimmy left two hours later, presumably having first emptied his balls, and Caroline spent the night alone leaving the hotel at about 8.30am in a taxi.

Caroline Nokes and her lover James Dinsdale.

Taxpayers who are chortling over this lascivious tale will be interested to learn that they forked out for the hotel bill. Caroline Nokes chose a hotel with a tariff of £129.25 which is 75p inside the limit for parliamentarians who spend a night away from home. Still chortling, are you?

Where will the curse of Cameron strike next, we are forced to ask?

Social work insolence: help Colin Scott

2010-06-12T12:15:00.001+01:00

Goodbye weekend as Chris Hawkins of the Child & Parent Alliance writes in to say that Colin Scott of Swindon saw his handicapped child kidnapped by the social work industry on Wednesday. His crime was to complain about the actions of the industry and involve the C&PA in the matter. Thus he was seen as defying the industry and such behaviour can never be tolerated. As an act of revenge the industry went and got an interim protection order that allowed them to seize the child.

Please write to the family's MP, Rob Buckland, and urge him to take the matter up with the Children's Minister. His e-mail address is robbuckl@globalnet.co.uk

Ready for the world cup?

2010-06-11T13:15:00.004+01:00

Are you all set for the opening match in the 2010 world cup? Funnily enough there are more England flags being flown from houses than there were Labour posters displayed during the recent elections - not the case back in the day when every house had its poster, but that was when the party spoke for us. Now at least we have the footie, so pour the beer down the neck and cheer on the lads.

Today's game involves Mexico and my adopted countrymen have a far healthier attitude to bastard work than their English counterparts. Even thought the game kicks off at 9.00am Mexico time the whole country will be glued to their TV sets, the beer will flow and bastard work is something that the average man will not think about until tomorrow.

As the South African team walks onto the pitch the roar will go up: ¡Viva Mexico, hijos de la chingada!

Americans kill 14 year old Mexican

2010-06-10T01:15:00.004+01:00

A 14 year old Mexican boy has been shot dead by American border patrol officers who seem to have opened fire into Mexico from their side of the border. Quite what happened to cause the shooting is still unclear, and will probably end up with both countries reaching different conclusions. What is clear is that seventeen Mexicans have been either killed or wounded form shots fired by American officials from their side of the border this year. In 2009 that figure stood at twelve and in 2008 five. So something is happening on the border to make the Americans trigger happy.

The death of a boy raises the stakes considerably and leads this writer to conclude that many more people will be killed and wounded in the months to come. The northern border is a violent place at the best of times and now any number of thuggish young men with guns in their pockets and time on their hands are going to think about taking revenge for this young fellow's death.

Given that the Americans seem to have already turned their goon squads loose, we can expect the border to become even wilder than it already is as both sides shoot it out.

Why do mobile phones have an adult lock?

2010-06-09T00:05:00.003+01:00

So this old contact from the porn trade gives me a ring and tells me that he has shot some video of a tasty bird pleasuring herself with a monster dildo and would I like a look? Of course I would so he sent me the link to downland the epic to my mobile and that is where the fun began. Mobile phones come with an adult lock as standard and the punter has to call the company to get it removed.

I spoke to a fairly typical call centre Indian who sounded just like the late Peter Sellers taking the piss and explained that I was wanted the lock removed as I had a video waiting that might be worth a wank. He farted around that long that I began to lose interest, but it did give me time to think about these adult locks and their utility.

The point is that they are a waste of time because they only work when you are downloading something from a known porno site, not getting something that is being passed around from phone to phone. Since kids tend not to have credit cards that are needed to gain access to pay sites, they get their wank materials from their friends - so what's the point of the adult lock on mobile telephones?

The Sexism Exam

2010-06-08T02:15:00.000+01:00

SEXISM STUDIES

Time allowed 3 hours.

Attempt all questions.

Section A (50%)

1. Explain why the best women's football team in the world wouldn't stand a chance against you and ten of your friends. Include in your answer:

a) Why they kick the ball like idiots and are scared to mess up their hair.

b) What you wouldn't mind doing with them in the showers after the match.

2. Pamela Anderson's tits are plastic but look good in photographs. Compare and contrast the relative merits of plastic and real tits for recreational purposes.

3. It is a long established fact that fat girls are more grateful for it. Outline some of the reasons why this is so, and explain why all feminists are fat, ugly lesbians.

Compare and contrast video lesbians with those you have encountered in real life.

4. Write a critique of any ONE of the following films:

a) White Water Shafting

b) Three Into One Will Go

c) King Dong

d) Speared by Zulu Lovers

Include in your discussion a justification for such films to be considered "art-house" rather than pornographic.

Section B (50%)

1. Women drivers, eh? Discuss.

2. Name something a woman has invented.

3. On average, women live 7 years longer than men yet get their pension 5 years earlier. Explain why this isn't fair, making reference to your lazy old granny who lived to be 100 and your poor granddad who worked 52 years down the pit and died the day before he retired.

4. Discuss the philosophical implications of this question: "If a man speaks in a forest, and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?"

Weekending: the Dutchy Dress

2010-06-04T00:15:00.003+01:00

The Guardian's Marina Hyde seems to have got the idea for her piece from Kickette who ran all these stories ages ago. Unlike Kickette, Marina doesn't like the Dutchy Dress but it captured the hearts of these Mexican fans when some Dutch girls wore it for a match. The Guardian view is that you need to be titted out like Sylvie van der Vaart to wear it, but actually you just need to be a reasonably fit bit of talent and not a dog rough Guardian reading slapper.

See you next week folks!

Final thoughts on the Mediterranean Massacre

2010-06-03T01:15:00.002+01:00

The Mediterranean Massacre is one of those gifts that just keeps on giving for anti-imperialists everywhere. Over the past 24 hours three factors have come into play that should help to make our grins even wider:

The first is that Egypt has been forced to open its Sinai crossing point into Gaza. Obviously this has been done under domestic pressure but what it means is that supplies can get into the territory. How long that will last is unclear, but the situation at the moment is that the blockade has been broken.

Secondly, the Turks have involved NATO in the affair, which has opened a can of worms that the Americans desperately want to close. As Craig Murray points out, is NATO just an arm of American foreign policy or is it an alliance of equals? If the latter is the case then Turkey has been attacked and should be able to call on NATO support. The fact that the Americans will veto that tends to point to the conclusion that NATO is just a tool of Washington. According to Murray, that is what the Europeans in NATO are now saying to each other. The possibility that in the long term we may be able to get the fucking Americans out of Europe has moved marginally closer thanks to Israel's actions.

Finally, slowly but surely public opinion is moving in the direction of sanctions being applied to that shitty little country. It won't happen this year or even next, but it will come sooner or later. The politicians will concede it just as they did over South Africa once the pressure grows.

So, in the short term we have the breaking of the blockade and in the long term the possibility that the transatlantic alliance may come to an end as Europe moves in one direction over Israel and the USA goes in the other.

This looks like win-win to your friendly old Exile.

One explanation for the Mediterranean Massacre

2010-06-02T00:45:00.002+01:00

Do you like the new version of the Israeli flag that is going the rounds?

Looking back on this PR disaster for imperialism's outpost in Arabia, friends of the nasty little shithole responsible need to be considering such factors as patience, concentration and precision. These are all skills that your friendly old Exile uses when shaving his balls, so why can't the fucking Israelis uses the same talents to take over a ship without creating enough corpses to fill a cemetery?

Could it be that they are so used to massacring Arabs and then covering their crimes up that they thought that they could get away with it?

The long term consequences of Israel's Mediterranean Massacre

2010-06-01T00:15:00.002+01:00

Israel had one friend in the Muslim world and that was Turkey, but not any more after yesterday's Mediterranean massacre that saw the Israeli forces butcher at least 19 crew members of a humanitarian taskforce bound for Gaza. Especially with at least six of the dead being Turks, the country is leading the demands for sanctions to be applied against Israel.

It won't happen of course, not yet at any rate. However, sooner rather than later the ambassadors will start to be withdrawn from that rancid little shithole that squats like a deformed and poisonous dwarf between the River Jordan and the Mediterranean Sea. Sanctions will be piecemeal at first but public pressure will increase for them to be tightened, just as they were against South Africa. The nooses will tighten around the Europeans' necks and many will start to leave for pastures new. Eventually the Arabs will see their chance and put an end to this interloper once and for all.

The world will carry on turning, just as it did after the end of French Algeria and British Rhodesia. Nobody will give a shit as another fruit is plucked from imperialism's tree.

On getting done over by Helen, of the monstrous regiment

2010-05-31T00:05:00.004+01:00

Let the story which follows serve as an awful warning to young fellows everywhere:

It was back in 1981, so a lot of years have passed since I walked into the little darling's trap, dick in hand and eyes wide open. Her name was Helen Tustin back then; Helen Miller some years later when she married. If you are ever in the Great Barr district of Birmingham or Walsall you might want to watch out for this one. That said she will hit 52 in July this year so she's probably well passed it by now. Women just age that much quicker than men, which is probably why they need to move that much faster than us.

Whatever she is like now, back in her day, Helen was five feet nothing of pure sex bomb, with tits like melons, a wobbly bum and blonde hair that looked great spread out all over the pillow. OK, she didn't like swallowing cock oil, but we can't have everything. She had a lovely little trick of thrusting her hips down and clenching her pussy muscles as a cock was thrust into her. Trust me, that girl had ridden many a cock before she came to grips with mine and she was an expert at milking a bull.

She wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but she did have a certain Brummie cunning and realised that sooner rather than later her looks were going to fade and men would stop falling over themselves to do as she wished. Hence she was on the lookout for a meal-ticket, which is where my story really begins.

In late June of 1981 I heard a rumour at work that the place was going to close. I told Helen and Helen promptly started to look for my replacement. She didn't say anything until after the first week in July was over because that was her birthday and obviously she wanted her presents, but just before that happy day she started wrapping her legs around one William, a fellow who drove a top model Range Rover. Talking to one of her friends when it was all over, it seems that she ran the two of us in tandem for about three weeks, and once she thought that the other man was well hooked, I was given my marching orders. Needless to say, I spent the next few weeks in an alcoholic haze, especially during my own birthday, which fell in the August.

The only bit of good news from my point of view was that some months later I actually met William and we spent a happy hour reminiscing about Helen. William had dumped her himself once he knew what had happened to me on the principle that if a little slapper can behave that way to one man, then she can do it to another. There were no flies on young William. . .

No flies on me, either, until the other day. Trust me you young fellows when I say that you should make sure that your bellies have been filled and your bollocks emptied to your full and complete satisfaction before you do anything for any little darling.

You know it makes sense!

Zoe Margolis & Brooke Magnanti: spot the difference

2010-05-29T00:05:00.005+01:00

It is easy to confuse Zoe Margolis with Brooke Magnanti. Both are 30-something Jewish girls who have had more pricks than a pincushion and then went on to make a fortune writing about their horizontal experiences. Both tried to remain anonymous and both were outed by newspapers - yes, it is easy to confuse them. The fact that one charged hard cash for her favours and the other had joined the All-England Free Fucking Team didn't seem to be important, at least until March of this year when it suddenly became very important indeed.

That was when Zoe wrote a story for the Independent. Now newspapers don't employ sub-editors anymore so this piece was probably subbed by whoever was hanging around the office, and you can imagine the thought process at work: was Zoe the one on the knock or did she give her favours for free? The hack couldn't remember, so took a guess and called the piece "I'm a hooker who became an agony aunt," whereupon all hell proceeded to break loose because he had guessed wrong.

Zoe quite rightly got in touch with the paper and the headline was changed to the more accurate "I'm a good-time girl who became an agony aunt," and later on an apology was printed. Given that this was an honest mistake with no malice involved you would think that honour was thus satisfied, but that was not the case because Zoe then decided to sue the Indy for libel. The paper did not have a leg to stand on and has agreed to pay out a massive sum to la Margolis.

The problem is that by taking the matter to court all Zoe has done is start the process of losing all the public sympathy that she had when the Indy made its mistake. She is starting to come over as a grasping little trollop, instead of the girl with an easy virtue that many young men fantasised over. If that grasping image becomes fixed in the public mind it may damage future book sales. A short term solution to gain money could mean that she loses out in the long run.

New blog on the block

2010-05-28T00:15:00.001+01:00

Tim Collard is an old friend of mine who now writes for the Daily Telegraph. He has just started his own blog where even the posts that the Telegraph won't run can have a home. Please get over there and visit him.

How not to impress a woman

2010-05-28T00:05:00.006+01:00

I was in my twenties when I discovered that fucking Scousers consisted of two words; an understandable error to make since like most Mancunians the only reason I ever had to visit Liverpool was when I wanted to say hello to my hubcaps. That said, and say what you like about fucking Scousers, I have yet to meet one who had ever got a class above himself - until now that is. Step forward a fucking Scouser who calls himself Fishy and who blogs at Plenty More Fish Out Of Water.

Fishy's site is devoted to his risible attempts to catch a mate, and it has to be admitted that he has a fine writing style for a sad-arsed loser. Readers both gentle and base may argue that their friendly old Exile occasionally has woman trouble as this posting shows, but this bloke seems to revel in his status as the man who is sent home, dick in hand, to have a wank.

One posting pretty much sums up Fishy and his problems. In it he relates how he got the train to meet a young lady in Wigan. Then he complains about the price of her drinks, before engaging in a bout of mental masturbation over what he saw as an existential problem. Put simply the girl announced that she didn't want to go out with blacks and for Fishy this is beyond the pale. He went off to the lavatory to decide if he should "challenge" the poor girl over her disinclination to open her legs for those who have so enriched our country with their presence. Then he decided to slope out without saying anything leaving the girl alone.

What can we say? As a fucking Scouser what was he doing on the train? Surely he could have nicked a car for the night? Then he could have driven over to Manchester, hit an old lady on the head to steal her purse and used that money for the girl's drinks in Wigan. There is no law that makes miscegenation an obligatory act, so it is hard to know what this fucking Scouser thinks that he is doing telling any woman that she must get knobbed just to make a political point and keep him happy. Finally, what's with the "challenge" bollocks? They were on a date, for fuck's sake - Fishy was not sitting in the JCR at some polytechnic. He should have thanked the girl for the evening and made some vague comment about getting in touch at a future date. The mere fact that he didn't shows him up to be what is known in the trade as a right spastic: and right spastics do not get their knobs shined!

The same cannot be said of your friendly old Exile back in the day!

Carla Bruni, & the Eurotrash sex guide video

2010-05-27T00:05:00.007+01:00

Back in 1996 Carla Bruni recorded a short video clip for the Eurotrash show. It seems that she has been left shocked (Do you hear that? Shocked!) that the video has just resurfaced as part of In the tube with Carla, a 27 minute documentary about her. So shocked is the lady that French officials are running around like blue arsed flies getting it pulled from YouTube as fast as it gets uploaded.

The clip basically involves Carla translating various sexy phrases into other languages, so if you ever wanted to know the Italian for "stick your finger in my bottom," now's your chance to find out.

It really is so very entertaining to sit back and watch a slapper interact with her past, isn't it?

Bastard Work

2010-05-26T00:05:00.003+01:00

A couple of commentators to last night's posting have asked me if I have ever had any sort of normal job. Now I am not so sure what is all that abnormal about driving whores around a city and getting the odd leg-over thrown in as a tip, but I sort of take their point: they mean have I ever been a peon?

Of course I have! I left school just before my fifteenth birthday and went to work in a yard helping to pack bales of cotton onto lorries. I smiled at a joke on my first day and the chargehand told the foreman that I was skiver. He could see it in my fucking eyes, so he said, and besides you don't go to work to bloody well smile. Do that and you aren't working so I was sent to help drag a massive bale across the rain sleeked yard just to wipe the smile off my face..

I then spent the next decade or so as a projectionist, stage hand, club doorman - you name it and I did it. Bastard jobs came and went along with the three redundancy notices that I received that were all followed by spells on the dole. I also learned that if work is tedious, dirty and occasionally dangerous, then the union represented satisfaction, both intellectually and emotionally. Thanks to being a union activist I could do over the man, and pay him back in his own coin by giving him some of the grief that he and his breed had given me.

So, yeah, I have done my hours and hated every single one of them. I prefer the company of porn merchants and the likes of Ash and Svetlana, the two delightful little slappers that I introduced you to yesterday, because they do not sit there dropping dandruff onto the collars of their cheap suits, muttering through a fug of halitosis that they are there to manage and I am there to work and when they want my opinion they will ask for it.

Amanda Holden Upskirt

2010-05-24T00:45:00.002+01:00

This photo has just arrived in my mail and I decided to post it at once. What could be better on this Monday morning that a nice Amanda Holden upskirt, showing that Britain doesn't only have talent, but the talent has nice pussy as well.

Government to cut thousands of jobs

2010-05-24T00:05:00.004+01:00

There is talk that the new government will cut anything up to 700,000 jobs, but it does not look as if we have anything to worry about as things stand:

The axe is looming for bodies such as the Qualification and Curriculum Development Agency, the South-East England Development Agency and the Infrastructure Planning Commission, while others with overlapping functions could be merged.

In simple English the non-jobs held by Nu-Labour's polyocracy are about to vanish and we can stand by for a great wailing as the parasites who held these posts face the cold blasts of economic reality.

Your friendly old Exile very much doubts if the council estates will care all that much. As this blog has been saying for quite some time, this recession is really a middle class problem and it is a section of the middle class that is about to get done over.

Weekending: Tennis girl upskirt

2010-05-20T00:05:00.002+01:00

Bollocks to it - I'm having an early weekend. You lot can amuse yourselves with this video which is seriously, but seriously, sleazy. I suppose that women's tennis is the home of the old upskirt, but some of you may think that this cameramen went a little too far with his zoom lens.

Samantha Cameron Upskirt

2010-05-19T00:15:00.000+01:00

OK, it is not exactly a SamCam upskirt, but the camera did catch her flashing a very nice thong moment to be sure. The left may have the best economics, but the right has always led the field when it comes to shaggable talent.

Join the Child and Parent Alliance

2010-05-19T00:05:00.000+01:00

The new government wants to make cuts in the public sector and what better way of starting would be to stick the boot into the social work industry? With that in mind, Chris Hawkins from the Child & Parent Alliance has been in touch to say that it is super important for people to sign up to the C&PA as soon as possible. Only from a position of strength can anyone talk to Ken Clarke and Sarah Teather regarding our friends in the industry, family court reform and the abolition of CAFCASS. Don't delay, join today, says Chris.

Pirate Bay is down: filesharers move to other platforms

2010-05-18T00:05:00.001+01:00

It appears that the Pirate Bay is down after a consortium of American companies managed to get an injunction taken out against its German internet service provider. Since an estimated twenty percent of all files are shared via TPB, does this mean that file sharing has suddenly become more difficult? Probably not, thinks your friendly old Exile, since many users have already switched over to Mininova, so much so that they are in the process of installing a new server. Many other users are hunting for their favourite films at Rapidshare.com and the like, where users can upload a file to a server and then other people can download it directly, without the need to use P2P technology.

Just when the man thinks that he is on top of the situation at last, up pops an army of spotty-faced geeks to prove that the battle is still far from over.

Let's hear it for Alix Bromley, the epic boobs girl

2010-05-17T00:15:00.000+01:00

Most people have probably never heard of Alix Bromley, but just about everyone has heard of the epic boobs girl, since photos of her have been circulating around the web since 2006. Alix posted photos of herself to Bebo and was then amazed when the newspapers tried to find out who she was. The little darling took the matter up with the Press Complaints Council who have just rejected her complaint on the grounds that, well, every bugger has seen her flashing 'em around so what is she mithering about?

Want to see more of the little darling and her two puppies? Here you go. . .

Weekending: When you want to watch football

2010-05-14T00:05:00.000+01:00

That's all for this week, folks, as I am seriously shagged out after the election. See you next week!

Banana Boy aims to lead Labour Party

2010-05-13T00:05:00.003+01:00

Nu-Labour is regrouping and preparing to regain power after a short spell in opposition, just like 1951 and 1979 in fact. There is even going to be a leadership election and David Miliband has already tossed his hat into the ring. If you think that his famous banana is limp the chances are that it is firmer than anything else he has is likely to hold in his hand: this loser can't even father his own kids and was forced to adopt them. Yet this Primrose Hill pretty boy is the odds-on favourite to win the leadership contest.

It makes me want to weep.

Pricks on parade for the Condem Coalition

2010-05-12T00:05:00.001+01:00

David Cameron's people practise safe tax: they use nondoms! Now the man himself has taken over the reigns of government as head of a Conservative and Liberal-Democrat administration, soon to be known as the Condem Coalition, guaranteed to cover small pricks for a short period of time.

Looking at this ramshackle arrangement the first thing that becomes clear is that never again can the Liberals call themselves a leftist party. They are an adjunct to the Tories and that is going to hurt them outside Southern England at the next election.

Labour will attack the Condems exactly at the join between the two parties. With a bit of luck, or a good dose of Tory nastiness, then they might be able to achieve that end. If that happens then we can look forward to another election towards the end of this year.

The unelected Prime Minister myth

2010-05-11T00:05:00.001+01:00

As negotiations between Labour and Liberal to create a government proceed apace, your friendly old Exile has one favour to ask. Could people please stop yacking about how the resignation of Gordon Brown could lead to a second unelected Prime Minister being installed?

The simple truth is that no Prime Minister is ever elected. They are all appointed by the Crown on the basis that they can command a majority in the House of Commons. Why the Commons and not the Lords? Basically because money bills start in the Commons, that's why. So a Prime Minister does not have to sit in the Commons, he can sit in the Lords, but his party must have a majority of the votes in the Commons, either alone or in a coalition.

Since this has always been the case, the argument that Brown is an unelected PM is nothing more nor less than a load of old wank.

The Tory OK-Yah Moment

2010-05-10T00:05:00.001+01:00

The Tories found that at least one of their OK-Yah moments was captured on film when David Newman, the Tory agent in Richmond Park, raised his arms in triumph when Zac Goldsmith's victory was announced. At least Goldsmith, pictured on the left, had the decency to look embarrassed by the antics. For the record, Zac is a multi-millionaire mate of David Cameron from their time together at Eton. Zac doesn't pay anything to the exchequer as he pracises safe tax and uses a nondom. . .

Funnily enough, he and Cameron and little Georgie Osborne may be the reason why the Tories didn't walk to victory. The impression that they gave of languid superiority was just asking to be slapped down. And let's face it, watching their gloating sense of self-entitlement deflate as the night wore on was a joy to savour for years to come.

Is the Grand Progressive Coalition being formed?

2010-05-08T00:05:00.003+01:00

Is a Grand Progressive Coalition possible in the House of Commons? This blog reckons that it is and even though we don't get to see the end of Nu-Labour in the short term, in the long run we probably will. In the meantime, if the GPC comes about then we can sit back and watch as the Tories self destruct in internecine warfare - something that couldn't happen to a better bunch of two-legged cockroaches.

Labour has 258 seats, and seemingly a mountain the climb to get to the 326 needed to have a one seat majority. However, the Scottish Nationalists have six seats and their Welsh counterparts have three. In Ulster the Social Democratic & Labour Party have three and the Alliance one. All of those parties would be more than happy to come along if the budgets for their respective countries were guaranteed by Labour. Caroline Lucas who holds the single Green seat may be brought on board with some tree-hugging tosh, and all told that gives our putative coalition 272 seats.

Labour can buy off the Liberals and get their 57 seats with a cast-iron promise to change the voting system. The Tories cannot offer that, but starting last night quite a few Labour figures tossed it on the table in post-election interviews. The notion that such a power hungry party would agree to go out of power when its ministers could keep their paws on the levers of government by making a deal is ludicrous. Bingo: a coalition with 329 seats in the Commons and a tiny majority of just three.

The beautiful thing about this idea is that the only reason why the Tory backwoodsmen ever went along with Cameron and his reforms was because he promised them power. If he cannot deliver that then they might just tear him to pieces. The Tory Party could be out of power for another generation.

What does the left get out of this? The chance, finally, to have a party that represents the urban working class without having to pander to the liberal middle class and their tedious social issues.

It all looks win-win to your friendly old Exile!

Thoughts on the election

2010-05-07T12:35:00.001+01:00

However you cut it the election result is a disaster for socialism and the left. We were hoping for a plethora of small parties to be returned to Westminster in the hope that chaos would ensure. As any socialist knows, chaos is our best friend for out of it comes opportunity. That moment has passed and we must take what small comfort we can for the plight of the other parties.

The Tories were expected to walk this election, but with 25 seats still to declare they have a derisory 294 seats with just 36 per cent of the vote. David Cameron made enormous changes to his party, changes that his rank and file accepted with gritted teeth because he told them that it was the path to victory. So where's the victory, Dave?

The Liberal-Democrats were expected to be a major player but have a laughable 52 seats and an even more risible 23 per cent of the vote. They might keep one party in power, but will have to be content with a pat on the head and some vague promises of electoral reform. What did for them was their immigration policy, in particular the bit about an amnesty for illegal immigrants. Yes, we know that the middle class rely on cheap labour, but the rest of us would rather like our country back if you don't mind.

Labour is the victor, whether we like it or not. The party has 252 seats out of 29 per cent of the vote at the time of writing. Given that they were facing extinction at the start of the campaign that is an achievement in itself. They were lucky in that they were able to remind people of just what utter shits the Tories are when they are in power, a strategy that was helped by the public schoolboy nature of the Tory front bench.

So what are we to do? Nothing, in a word, because there is nothing that we can do. We need to sit back and await events in the hope that we can take advantage of them. Whichever government takes power later today is going to be weak and a new election is likely within the year. We need to be ready for that.

Lancaster polling day report

2010-05-06T21:15:00.001+01:00

The polls close in less than an hour and the word from Labour activists is that the solid Labour wards did not turn out in any numbers. The people that saw voting represented a false dawn that quickly ended. Over at the University of Lancaster campus the turnout seems to have been very high indeed with people having to wait up to an hour to vote. Most of those votes can be expected to go to the Liberal-Democrats and the Greens, so that will not effect the outcome of the vote in any way.

On the basis of gossip from activists it looks as if this constituency may have gone Conservative due to a massive abstention on the working class estates.

Lancaster polling day half-way report

2010-05-06T14:15:00.000+01:00

I went to vote at about 12.30pm to find quite a few people arriving and leaving the polling station. The three main parties all had tellers on duty and they reported that turnout had been high all day. Given then my station is in the middle of a large council estate that is interesting and bodes well for Nu-Labour.

Lancaster and Fleetwood is number 81 on the Tory hit list. If they cannot take this seat then the swing to them will be in the order of three to four percent, which will leave Labour as the largest party.

Why I will vote for the UKIP today

2010-05-06T00:15:00.002+01:00

I shall vote for the United Kingdom Independence Party since getting my country out of the European Union is an essential first step for me as a socialist who wishes to see the full collectivisation of the British economy. Not only that but the local UKIP candidate, Fred McGlade, has written the words that many a working man has waited thirteen long years to hear:

To often working class people find that there is to much week left at the end of the money, and despite repeated promises from the champaign socialists of the Labour Party, the reality is that housing, a decent education, jobs and a decent standard of living remain beyond the reach of the ordinary working class family.

How you vote is up to you, but please do not fall for any more of Labour's lies. The party has been taken over not by the left or the right but by the middle class. They do not really want us - just look at the Bigotgate affair to see that - so they have no claim on our loyalty.

Good luck to all of us.

Polling day is here at last!

2010-05-06T00:05:00.005+01:00

Today is polling day in the United Kingdom's election and the only thing that is clear is that nothing is clear at all. The polls have the Tories on around 35%, Labour at about 29% and the Liberal-Democrats bringing up the rear with 26%. Interestingly, the minor parties have a 10% share of the vote.

Here in Lancaster and Southport, which is one of the Tory target seats, I have not seen a single house with a Tory poster in its window. A few Labour posters can be seen around, with the Lib-Dem supporters coming in second, and a long way behind either of them are the Greens. The Tory failure could be down to the fact that the left has basically made voting Tory akin to buying pornography - it is something that people do furtively in the hope that nobody notices that by definition both groups are composed of wankers. Nevertheless, the fact that the Tories cannot get anyone to put many posters up bodes ill for their campaign.

This election is going to be the most interesting of my lifetime.

Never vote Tory: here's a reminder why

2010-05-05T11:45:00.002+01:00

Here's one good reason why you shouldn't vote fucking Tory tomorrow: it's the party of the Maggot and of those who want to lick the Maggot's diseased-ridden cunt. The Tories are the enemy, the party of the employer and the employer's bumboys: always have been, always will be.

The have lied over the past few years and claimed that they are different now than they were, but just look at their record in Hammersmith and Fulham to see the reality. They promised to make the poor better off and promptly closed down twelve homeless shelters, forcing at least one heavily pregnant woman onto the streets. In their 2006 manifesto they promised: "A Conservative council will not reintroduce home-care charging". That promise lasted exactly three months before the fuckers reneged on it. After having jacked up the cost of the meals on wheels service by a whopping £527 a year, the Tories are now eyeing their big prize: the selling off of the council estates for redevelopment by rich bastards. Maxine Davies (42) a mother who lives on one such estate put together a group to fight these plans. When David Cameron came to visit he accused her of "black propaganda" when she challenged him over this. Maxine countered by saying that it was official party policy, whereupon Cameron told her that if she didn't like it, she "should stand for election."

What more is left to be said? The Tories are vermin: never vote for them.

A Swift Kick in the Balls

2010-05-05T00:15:00.002+01:00

I know nothing about the Sunlight Centre For Open Government, but it sure knows how to produce a wounding attack advert. Will this damage Ed Balls? Let's hope so.

Now Labour is trying to fiddle the ballots

2010-05-05T00:05:00.002+01:00

Investigating voter registration fraud can be dangerous as the Independent's Jerome Taylor found out to his cost. He was battered to the ground by a gang of Pakistanis in Bow, East London, one of the blackspots for this type of political fraud.

The Daily Mail has more on the story, but the good news is that the Conservatives, Respect and the Liberal-Democrats are all pushing hard for the police to mount a full investigation into what seems to be Nu-Labour's last desperate attempt to hold onto its former stronghold seats by whatever means it can.

Nu-Labour changed the rules to allow just about anyone to claim a postal ballot, and since no proof of identity is even needed to register to vote, it is quite possible for a person to register any number of fictitious people to a house and then claim a postal vote for them.

The sooner that rancid collection of spivs, chancers and dodgy ethnic types that is known as New Labour is out of office the better.

Could Jack Straw lose in Blackburn?

2010-05-04T00:05:00.004+01:00

Could Jack Straw be about to lose his Blackburn seat? Craig Murray thinks so and points to the fact that Straw seems to be engaged in the illegal practise of treating people with free food and drink at his election meetings. Craig explains that in Gujarati culture if you take a candidate's food then you are morally obliged to support that person at the polls, and Straw has organising any number of meetings with Gujaratis. . .

Two things seem to have happened to scare Jack Straw. The first is the candidacy of Bushra Irfan, an Asian solicitor who stood down from her role as Liberal-Democrat candidate in a Sheffield seat to take on Straw in her home town. As we have already reported, the Straw team take her very seriously indeed, even to the extent of sending tame council workmen to her house to tear down her election hoarding.

Secondly, the Tories are fighting a seriously dirty campaign and have issued at least one "unofficial" leaflet which claims:

We have in front of us a whole saga of atrocities committed in Iraq, in Afghanistan, in Palestine, and if this was not enough, the Labour government allowed the Israeli government to create havoc in Lebanon and Gaza in Palestine...killing and maiming thousands of innocent civilians.

The point about all this is that to win Straw needs the support of pretty much the entire Asian voting block and at least some of the white working class. Bushra Irfan and the Tories are unlikely to get many white votes with their campaigns, but they might cut deeply into the Asian vote.

If that happens then Straw could lose to either the Liberal-Democrats or even the British National Party.

Update, 12.55pm, 4 May 2010:

Craig Murray reports:

At Jack Straw's gathering last night it was announced food would not be served as it would be against electoral law. This is something of a victory. About a quarter of the audience left immediately and most of the rest wandered out less obviously during the next half hour!

Nice work Craig!

Lib-Dems fall in the polls: immigration is the reason why

2010-05-03T02:05:00.001+01:00

Liberal-Democrat sources have it that the reason why the party is now falling in the polls is the stance on immigration. The idea of rewarding illegals with residency after ten years of evading the police is Lib-Dem policy and the voters are revolted by it. Nick Clegg can try to spin the policy however he wants but the voters know that the Lib-Dems will reward illegality and that is the top and bottom of a policy that has helped to burst the party's bubble.

Common People video

2010-05-02T00:05:00.002+01:00

This video was uploaded to YouTube on the 22nd April and has already had 280,000 views. Trust me it is seriously funny anti-Tory agitprop.

Bigotgate continues to rumble

2010-05-01T00:05:00.002+01:00

In what is likely to become the defining image of this election campaign, Gordon Brown holds his head in his hands as his words of contempt for Labour's core voters are played back to him.

That contempt looks set to be paid back with interest as the working class abandons Labour in droves either to abstentions or the minor parties. In Dagenham, a seat that has had a Labour MP since the Second World War, the people are repeating the refrain that came over loud and clear in Rochdale and is now spreading throughout the country: Labour no longer speaks for the British working class.

Grannie goldfish seller is freed on appeal

2010-04-30T00:05:00.000+01:00

Time was when you won goldfish at the local fair, but now thanks to Nu-Labour nobody under 16 can buy the damned things. Councils employ any number of jobsworths who run sting operations costing over £20,000 to catch pet shops who break the laws. As a result of one of those operations a 67 year old great-grandmother ended up being tagged, an order later reversed by the court of appeal.

People, getting this regime out of office is just a good in itself. You will feel so much happier on Thursday when you have cast your vote for literally any other party than Nu-Labour.

Gillian Duffy's first reaction as Bigotgate breaks

2010-04-29T02:15:00.001+01:00

Mrs Gillian Duffy, pensioner, widow and lifelong Labour voter reacts in disgust when told what Gordon Brown really thinks of her. This is the image that will destroy Nu-Labour once and for all.

Bigotgate looks set to run and run

2010-04-29T00:05:00.003+01:00

Gordon Brown's contemptuous dismissal of Rochdale widow Gillian Duffy as "a bigoted woman" looks set to dominate the rest of the week, especially now that it has its own shorthand codename: Bigotgate.

The bulk of the British working class who are probably sick and tired of being contemptuously dismissed by the party that our grandfathers set up can take heart from the fact that bigot stands for Brown is going on Thursday. On the other hand maybe the party could send Peter Madelson to dance with the old girl? You never know, she might be a faghag. . .

As meltdown looms, that really is the only remaining option.

Are Lancaster BNP really so stupid?

2010-04-29T00:05:00.000+01:00

Debra Kent is the BNP candidate for Lancaster and Fleetwood who was banned by a local church from attending a hustings held on the church's property. Your friendly old Exile got in touch with Steve Greenhalgh, the party's North-West press spokesman to see if we could be put in touch with Debra Kent to get her reaction to all this.

After first telling us that the BNP didn't speak to Blogspot blogs, Steve Greenhalgh then said that all candidates' statements were being made through him. I replied that candidates normally speak for themselves, and when could I speak to Mrs Kent directly? Perhaps one evening when she was out canvassing, perhaps? Steve Greenhalgh wouldn't give out that information, but he did promise that someone would knock on my door and give me a statement, maybe.

Quite what the BNP are playing at here is hard to fathom. They have a perfect opportunity to present themselves as the victims of a conspiracy to deny them their democratic rights and they are not taking it. Very well, I will not vote for the BNP next week, but if I can get to speak to the candidate I will at least report her words fairly.

The party's cack-handed failure in this regard means that the banning is ceasing to be the story and the BNP's stupidity in handling it has become the narrative. All your fault, BNP.

How Gillian Duffy showed up Labour's true face

2010-04-28T17:30:00.003+01:00

Today's exchange between Prime Minister Gordon Brown, and a Mrs Gillian Duffy, provided the unscripted moment when the loathing that Nu-Labour has for the working class could no longer be concealed:

Gordon Brown was on a walkabout in Rochdale when he bumped into Mrs Duffy, who took him to task over the economy, education and immigration. Brown actually emerged from the exchange looking rather well, and Mrs Duffy told reporters that she would vote Labour, but then Brown got in his car and could no longer contain his loathing for the British working class:

Actually Mrs Duffy had hardly mentioned immigration, but that is obviously what Brown was latching onto when he made his unguarded "bigoted woman" remark. To be fair he was only articulating what all the metropolitan political class think of us, the ordinary working people of this country, but Brown was the one caught letting his true feelings show in public.

The Nu-Labour smear machine has already gone into action against Gillian Duffy, as this Twitter page shows, but they cannot avoid the truth: that an ordinary voter asked Gordon Brown some questions and was damned as a bigot for her pains.

Is there anyone left who still plans to vote for these two-legged middle class cockroaches? These people took over our party and made it theirs. Now we shall sit back and watch it vanish down the toilet.

Tories seem to be losing the plot with this poster

2010-04-28T00:05:00.001+01:00

Of all the idiotic election slogans this is probably the most idiotic of all. Nobody who signs on the social ever says that they are refusing work and both they and the penpushers who sit opposite asking daft question are engaged in a carefully choreographed bit of theatre. Questions are asked and answers given but everyone knows that there aren't actually jobs out there for the grandchildren of the people who Thatcher made redundant thirty years ago to do.

Nick Clegg really is pussy whipped

2010-04-27T00:05:00.003+01:00

It is nice to see the press catching up with your friendly old Exile in questioning Nick Clegg's ability to run a country when he can't even run his family. The latest is Jan Moir over at the Daily Mail who asks the quite reasonable question as to why atheist Nick gave up some valuable campaigning time to go and rattle some rosary beads at a Papist church? The satirical TV programme Have I Got News For You also pointed out that the three Clegg sons all have Spanish names, and speculated as to the reason behind that. It really does appear as if a consensus is emerging around here that Nick Clegg is a pussy whipped cur who does as he was told by his wife.

For the record, Old Mother Exile has never invited me to get out of bed on a Sunday morning to go anywhere as she knows what the answer would be from my hungover self. The sons of the union both have solid English names.

The murder of Blair Peach

2010-04-26T00:05:00.001+01:00

Who killed Blair Peach? The Daily Telegraph's question is redundant because is was the police, of course, back in 1979 just before Maggot Thatcher came to power. One of six suspects killed him, probably with some kind of authorised weapon such as a leaded cosh. Needless to say nobody was ever charged and the matter was allowed to drop. Now, a carefully redacted version of the police's own case file is about to be released, redacted so that nobody can use it to go after the killer.

Just think for a moment what would have happened if there were six suspects to the killing of a copper. The notion that the filth would not have been able to decide which of the half dozen suspects to prosecute is risible. However, the police can pretty much do as they please because they are the bootboys of capitalism and their job is to ensure that the system continues. In return they get to kill the odd schoolteacher such as Blair Peach or newspaper sellers like Ian Thomlinson. The reader can imagine them sitting around with their mates afterwards, exchanging smiles of glee as they recount the tale over and over again.

Then again, sometimes it goes wrong. Your friendly old Exile can remember the run up to the independence of Algeria and how a policeman in the colony commented quietly to a BBC news team that he hoped that there would not be any reprisals.

He was living in a fantasy world and probably got the chop as soon as independence came. Let us hope that the day will not be too far in the future when our own home grown bum sucking scabs face a similar fate.

Weekending: a deep throat lesson

2010-04-24T00:05:00.001+01:00

We at Team Exile say unequivocally that this is our kind of girl.

Are the Liberals about to be reborn?

2010-04-23T00:05:00.002+01:00

Exactly a century ago there were two general elections, one in January and the other in December. Neither returned a government with a working majority and both Liberal and Conservative had just over 270 seats each. The Liberals managed to govern thanks to the forty or so Labour members who were returned each time, but neither of the two main parties were in any ideological position to deal with the three main issues that dominated politics of the day; namely a working class that was starting to make its presence felt, women's enfranchisement and the Irish Question. Since the parties were unequipped to carry out their tasks of aggregating political interests it was only right and proper that one of them, the Liberals, would collapse under the weight of it all and allow the Labour Party to come through the gap and take up the role of aggregating anti-Tory votes.

Could the same thing be about to happen in 2010? The parties are not representing the political issues of the day such as immigration, the European Union and management of the economy - to say nothing of a string of wars that hardly anyone wanted in the first place. None of the parties is really answering the people's questions, especially over the related matters of immigration and economic recovery, but it must be admitted that the Liberals are moving ahead of the pack, an ironic circumstance given the events of 1910.

Is it possible that the Liberals, having been first almost destroyed by their failure to represent the new politics of the early twentieth century, are about to be reborn thanks to the new politics of the early twenty-first?

Nick Clegg for PM? You are having a laugh!

2010-04-22T00:15:00.001+01:00

Have you ever heard of Miriam Gonzalez Durantez? If not, then you should know that she is the wife of Nick Clegg, the leader of the Liberal-Democratic Party, and also the reason why you should not vote for him.

How surnames work in Spain, which is where Mrs Clegg hails from, is fairly simple - they work just like the parentage of a horse, in fact. Using the filly Miriam as an example, her surnames let us know that she is by Gonzalez, out of Durantez. When she married Clegg she should have started calling herself Sra. Miriam Gonzalez de Clegg, thus denoting that she is the daughter of one man and the wife of the other. Her failure to do that is taken by any Spanish speaker as meaning that her father is more important to her than her husband. Her father is don Chingon in her eyes, whereas little Nick is little more than un putocito. The Hispanic world understands and uses symbolism far more than we do, something which Nick Clegg who speaks the language will understand only too well. The fact that he allows his wife to get away with treating him with such utter contempt suggests to your friendly old Exile that he is not the one who wears the trousers in that household.

Put simply, how can Nick Clegg be trusted to control a country when he cannot even keep his wife in order?

Shall we vote for the BNP?

2010-04-22T00:05:00.004+01:00

There are two fairly good reasons to vote for the British National Party. In Lancaster & Fleetwood they are running the very personable Debra Kent, a thirty year old mother and local resident. It is nice to see local people getting involved with their communities. Debra is a community activist who sits as a school governess, and who now wants to make the transition to the national stage. At least she is not an identikit political hack who has never had a real job in her life.

Secondly, a vote for the BNP would be a marvellous two-fingered gesture of contempt to all the scum who have done so well out of the past thirty-odd years. The time was when the middle class knew fear, and their arses did clench every time a trades union stamped down a city's streets, but those days are gone. A vote for the BNP would help to loosen an awful lot of bowels in a most entertaining way. Forget the politics - let's hear it for the atavistic desire to see people that we despise shit their loads.

So why will your friendly old Exile be voting for the UKIP? At the end of the day, the BNP is still the party of skinheads who worship Odin and who fantasise about blood and soil nationalism. There has always been an element within the far-right that is made up of normal, decent people like Debra Kent, or the men that I used to battle with before she was even born. They took one path and I took the other, but we always understood and respected one another. The same cannot be said of knuckle-dragging fucktards like Lee John Barnes and his dreams of Odinism, or Onanism, or something. Who in his right mind would want to be associated with types like that?

Maybe one day our side will offload the mongish Trots, and Debra and her pals will deal with their headbangers, and then we can sit down together and decide the future of our country. That day has not yet arrived and until it does the thought of voting for the BNP leaves me feeling in need of a bath.

Oxford sex & condom use back in the day

2010-04-21T00:05:00.000+01:00

As we end this short series, let's be honest: our generation really had made, didn't we? Let's take condoms as an example. Using one is like having a bath with your socks on, you can do it, but you are not likely to enjoy the experience very much. Reading today's sex bloggers your friendly old Exile is amazed to discover that condom use is pretty universal but that was certainly not the case back in the Oxford day.

AIDS was something that normal people didn't worry about, and that was why we called it Arse Injected Death Syndrome. We looked upon it as Mother Nature's little way of reminding the poofs what their arseholes were for. The main venereal diseases were cured at the clap clinics that were to be found in every town and city. Not that I ever met anyone who used those services, but they did exist and just about every public toilet had a notice giving details of the nearest one.

More importantly, ours was the generation that came to sexual maturity taking the pill for granted. Men did not ask women in those days if they were on the pill as just about every woman took her little tablet every day even if she didn't have a lover. Come to think of it, this writer can only remember one woman who told him that she was not on the pill, and she then went into a long explanation as to why she had temporarily stopped taking it. It might be that women in those days had a better understanding of men and knew damn well that we would tell them anything if it meant that we could get them on their backs, so they took adequate precautions.

Say what you like, folks, but we really formed a part of the blessed generation.

The Exile will vote for UKIP

2010-04-20T00:05:00.002+01:00

A leaflet plopped through the letterbox yesterday morning from a certain Fred McGlade who is standing for the United Kingdom Independence Party in Lancaster & Fleetwood. This information means that I have a party that I can vote for next month if only I can register myself in this constituency.

Registration closes today so I have to get myself off to the town hall to fill in the form. Amazingly enough I do not have to produce any document to prove my nationality, according to Gareth, the young fellow that I spoke to on the 'phone.

To make matters even more risible, people from the EU can only vote next month in the local elections, but commonwealth nationals who are settled in the UK can vote in both. However, since nobody seems to check anything, it is possible that a German could claim to be British and thus vote in both, if he was so minded.

Blog Exclusive: Peter Luff & a "leaky bum"

2010-04-19T00:15:00.000+01:00

Peter Luff is the Tory MP for Mid-Worcestershire was part of the gang caught up in the expenses scandal, and in his case the claims included ten sets of bed linen. The press got onto this and asked him to justify the claims which he refused to do. Tory Central Office then told Luff that if he didn't give an answer the press would most likely make something up so what was the deal with all those sheets?

"I have a leaky bum," replied this people's tribune.

Electioneering in Lancaster

2010-04-19T00:05:00.000+01:00

In the 1980s it seemed that every house in my constituency had a Labour poster in its window, but in the Lancaster of 2010 I haven't seen a single one. The local party here are talking about putting together canvass teams at weekends, but in my day we left the people alone at weekends and hit the houses every single night from Monday to Friday, with every ward turning out at least a dozen people every time. Of course we had Thatcher to hate in those days, but we also had something more. We had the feeling that voting Labour would make a difference because Labour would reverse the Tory policies and we would take our revenge against those who had given us such grief.

Today nobody in the Labour Party can even think of that so the party's dwindling band of activists are forced to argue that the Tories will be worse than Labour. "Vote Labour because the other lot will be marginally worse" is not a slogan that gets this writer's gonads jangling, and that is probably one of the reasons why Labour hasn't managed to get any canvassing done, at least in Lancaster, up to now.

Weekending: how to handle a woman

2010-04-15T00:05:00.001+01:00

Would we not all, gentlemen, in a very real sense, like to have a house thus equipped?

Allegra Mostyn-Owen, Boris Johnson & Me

2010-04-14T00:05:00.000+01:00

I had never heard of Allegra Mostyn-Owen until someone pointed out the photo of her on the cover of Tatler that was taken the year before she went up to Oxford. Looking into those bedroom eyes I decided to chance my arm and I sent her a message via the university post. Getting no reply I duly lost interest, there being plenty of other knob-polishers around 1980s Oxford. Sorry, Allegra, but you missed your chance, thought the bloke who would go on to become your friendly old Exile.

It came as no surprise when I learned that Boris Johnson had snaffled her, but I was amazed when the couple married in 1987. I always thought of Boris as a genial shagging man who hopped from one bed to another and I found it hard to believe that he was settling down. Obviously as it turned out he wasn't doing anything of the sort and the marriage didn't last, but by then I had left the UK and I didn't find out about the breakup until many years later.

Now it emerges that Allegra has married a Pakistani man 22 years her junior and has claimed that she would not object if he took another wife to have children by.

I have no idea what is going on. Allegra was the great beauty of her day at Oxford, she is from a fabulously wealthy family and had the world at her feet. It is incomprehensible to me that she is throwing it all away to live with some inbred who will probably dump her eventually when he ships over a cousin from Pakistan to marry.

Allegra, you really should have answered my pigeon post letter all those years ago.

Coming Home

2010-04-13T00:05:00.001+01:00

Home. . . What a wonderful word that is. I am home for the first time in almost two decades. I have been in England since the end of December, but only in Northern England for three days. This is home, this is where I belong, where my people have lived for generations.

The old friend that I am staying with has lent me a car. Yesterday we spend most of the afternoon getting it running and found that the battery was dead as a doornail. A man that we did not know offered to help us get the old battery out, and then he lent me his Halford mechanic's card, thus saving us £37.00 on the retail price of a new battery. When we got back with the purchase, a bloke from across the street let me know that we had forgotten to close a window on the other car, but not to worry as he had kept an eye on things for us.

This is home. This is the way it is and this is what I missed.

Death of Polish President

2010-04-12T00:05:00.001+01:00

The president of Poland, one Lech Kaczynski, has died when his aircraft crashed during a state visit to Russia. Get ready for the conspiracy theorists who even as I write are hard at work in the bars of Warsaw seeking someone to blame. Actually, the reason why this bloke with a name that hardly anyone can pronounce is dead is that he used a crappy Russian jet as his personal transport. This is quite common in third world countries as the aircraft can usually be kept flying by Boris going along and hitting things with a spanner. Occasionally Boris hits the wrong part and the plane falls out of the sky. It happened with Samora Machel of Mozambique, and now the same thing has happened to the Pole. The world goes on turning because nobody really cares very much about either Mozambique or Poland.

Weekending: best way to open a beer

2010-04-09T00:05:00.000+01:00

Now this is my kind of girl!

I am off on my travels again as I need to change address once more. I hope to be settled in on the new settee next week, but until then blogging may be on the light side.

Local government corruption: another reason to stuff Labour

2010-04-08T00:05:00.001+01:00

As we head into the election now officially called for the 6th May, there so many good reasons why New Labour needs to be done over that it is difficult to pick any particular one out. That said, here's a reason that I hadn't heard before:

Craig Murray reports that the regime has now thoroughly corrupted local government and politicised the office of chief executive. Remember that those office holders are usually the election returning officers, so this coming ballot is probably going to be pretty filthy.

In Blackburn, one Bhushra Irfan has decided to run as an independent and placed a hoarding in her garden to announce this fact. Within three hours a gang of council workmen had arrived to pull it down, claiming a breach of the planning regulations. However, as Craig point out, election materials such as this are protected by electoral law, but we are talking about Blackburn here, and the place makes Tammany Hall look clean.

A hand shandy on the Turl

2010-04-07T00:05:00.002+01:00

There was really only one reason for me to be in Turl Street at 2.00am and that was hunger. In today's Oxford the sleek catering vans are everywhere, but that was not the case a generation ago. Then you had to go and hunt for one of Foley's vans and buy a deathburger and coke, with botulism as an added bonus. There was usually a van along the High Street and I was making my way home via the Turl with burger in hand when I met the girl.

She was wearing a full length gown and was walking bare foot with her shoes in one hand. She waved as if she knew me and announced that she was hungry, so I leaned against the barber's shop doorway and invited her to take a bite out of the burger.

She did more than that, grabbing the whole thing and proceeded to wolf it down. I gave her a very firm smack to the rump which made her jump, but instead of returning my supper she just ruefully rubbed her bottom and said again how hungry she was. I noticed that she wasn't wearing a bra, so on impulse I tweaked one of her nipples to make it hard, which made her pout and cast her eyes downward, which is always a good sign

"You should pay for your supper," I told her, whereupon without further ado madam unzipped my trousers with her free hand and proceeded to give me a hand shandy in the middle of Turl Street. Could anyone make this up? I think not - there I was receiving a hand job from a girl who had my cock in one hand and was eating my burger with the other. Needless to say I shot my load in pretty short order.

We both then made our way to the High Street as I wanted to get another burger and that was madam's direction, anyway. I stopped at the deathburger van intending to buy her another one of Mr. Foley's mouthwatering delights but she just carried on walking down the street, shoes still in her hands.

She vanished in the direction of St. Hilda's College so that was probably her final destination. Those Hildabeests, they really were gems, believe you me.

What is Canterbury playing at?

2010-04-06T00:05:00.000+01:00

Just a thought, but could someone please explain why Archbishop Rowan Williams is playing silly buggers with the Papists? He made a good start by pointing out that the scandals that have hit the Roman Church have caused the body to lose all credibility in Ireland. However, and inexplicably, he then backtracked and basically apologised for telling the truth, leaving Papist writers to have a field day.

The point is that as far as the Anglicans are concerned the Bishop of Rome is a Churchman who, admittedly, has no power in England. As far as the Bishop and all his underlings are concerned, the Archbishop of Canterbury is a bloke in a frilly frock. It is for that reason that the Papists set up the Ordinariate last year, to seduce Anglicans from their loyalty to Canterbury and woo them to Rome. The Papists would not have done that had they regarded Anglicanism as a legitimate body - but they don't.

Now that the Papes are being hit from all sides in Ireland, the time is ripe to pay them back in their own coin. The Anglican Church should be funnelling money to it's sister body the Church of Ireland on the principle that payback is a bitch.

No Pope of Rome,

No incense to get in my eyes,

No nuns and no priests,

No rosary beads,

Every day is the 12th of July.

Nick Griffin rides out failed attempt at coup in BNP

2010-04-05T00:05:00.000+01:00

Mark Collett has been dismissed from his post as the British National Party's publicity chief. The story is that he tried to lead a coup against Nick Griffin, the party's leader. Certainly the party has been putting that version of events out, but The Exile can exclusively reveal that the leader of the failed putsch was actually Eddy Butler, the national election organiser, who has been sacked along with Collett.

A very senior BNP figure has spoken to The Exile. His version of events is that Collett is little more than a "long streak of piss" and not to be taken seriously. He only joined the coup plot when the party began to question the amounts of money that was being wasting due to his stupidity. For instance the Euro election leaflets that had to be pulped because Collett had forgotten to put the name and address of the publisher on them.

Butler began to plot against Griffin about three months ago, largely because he objected to the role that Jim Dowson plays as a consultant to the party. Dowson has been responsible for some cost-cutting exercises which have not gone down very well amongst the senior activists, but the main bone of contention for Butler is the amount of money that the BNP is spending in Ulster, which is where Dowson is based. To be fair to Dowson, he is saving the party a lot of money and is entitled to be paid for his labours. However as far as Butler was concerned, that was slush that should have stayed within the traditional BNP family as it were. This is where Collett comes into the picture because the Dowson reforms involve outsourcing as much work as possible. Collett may have been the publicity officer, but he handled the actual printing, and stood to lose a lot of money from those reforms.

Our source reports that Griffin is now totally in control of the party, but more blood-letting is expected. Butler and Collett know where "a lot of the bodies are buried" and can be expected to leak as much damaging information about individuals as they can. Our source concluded that such people will be expected "to walk the plank" with as much dignity as they can muster for the benefit of the party.

How much will this effect the BNP's chances at the election? Our source has it that the matter is not an issue for the party's rank and file and if that turns out to be true then the matter should blow over fairly quickly.

Weekending: losing your head

2010-04-01T00:05:00.000+01:00

Trust me - you will laugh your heads off at this one.

The hits are way down this week as people slope off early for Easter. I am doing the same by taking a break from the blog which will be back on Tuesday, all being well!

Doing a Hildabeest doggie-style

2010-03-31T00:05:00.000+01:00

The Hildabeest has now passed into legend since St. Hilda's her natural terrain, has started admitting men. However back in the day standing on Magdalen Bridge and watching the perfumed herd pass by on its way to the grazing grounds and watering holes of Oxford - or expensive restaurants and equally costly bars if you prefer - was a sight to gladden the heart of the most jaded male. After the Oxford Cowgirl the Hildabeest was the commonest prey in Oxford, because like the cowgirl she was relatively easy to catch. Once either or both had been suitably lubricated with cocktails, then the rest of the evening was relatively easy to predict. God knows why St. Hilda's was jocularly referred to as The Virgin Megastore because the idea that any member of the college hadn't wrapped her legs around any number of lusty males was, well, virgin on the ridiculous.

So it came to pass that your memoirist and a certain Hildabeest did make their way down to Christ Church Meadow late one night when whichever bar we had met up in had closed. This is England in the 1980s, people, and hostelries closed at 10.30pm except Friday and Saturday when they stayed open an extra 30 minutes. It was March, if memory serves correctly, and the lady wore a long black overcoat over her undergraduate uniform of wool skirt and blue crew necked sweater.

We stopped to lean against a wooden fence and I found to my delight that madam was only too pleased to put her arms around my neck and gently nibble my right ear as a good Hildabeest should. She did not object as I put my arms around her rump and lifted her skirt to reveal to my delight that she wasn't wearing blue or black woollen tights as I had believed but long socks that reached up to her thighs. Almost as nice as stockings and a damn sight warmer in the chill of an Oxford March. I placed the back of my hand over the magical zone that was still covered by her panties and was delighted to find that her heat pulsated onto my hand. That night was going to be easy-peasy I realised.

I turned her around and pulled her overcoat off her shoulders. Taking it in one hand I put it over the fence and then gently pushed madam onto it. Before she had time to collect her thoughts I pulled her skirt up around her waist and firmly peeled her panties down to her ankles.

Have you ever had a woman that way? There is something incredibly erotic about having her bent over, fully clothed, but with her skirt up and panties down to her ankles. She looks ready to receive whatever her partner chooses to give her. I licked my right middle finger and began to stroke her pussy with it, all the while undoing my trousers with my other hand. Once they were down and my cock was free I mounted her from the rear and began to get a good, steady rhythm going.

She did not shriek or scream, but contenting herself with low heavy moans that seemed to come from deep within her. She reached behind her like a good girl should and took hold of my balls in one of her hands. Cupping them she stroked them with her fingers as I built up the velocity to the killing speed.

Quite a night with quite a lady. I walked her home afterwards - she lived in a house the other side of Folly Bridge - and as I strolled back across the bridge I walked down the steps to the riverbank. I then took out my dick and had a nice long piss in the river.

And reflected that life really didn't get much sweeter.

Tories move ahead in the poster battle

2010-03-30T00:05:00.006+01:00

The Tories reckon that they have come up with a poster campaign that cannot be wrecked by the piss-takers:

On the basis of the pretty lousy effort reproduced below, they may have a point:

It is not that the piss takes aren't funny, but they are not streets ahead of the originals. Previously the satire took flight and reduced the Tories to apoplectic rage as seemingly everyone and his brother had a laugh at their expense. Now the boot is on the other foot as the satirists' work is left looking rather lame.

Could the Tories finally have got their act together? Let's wait and see.

Multiculturalism has one success

2010-03-29T00:15:00.003+01:00

The Independent reports that the shagging shops of London employ at least seventy-seven different nationalities. Say what you like, but here's the proof that multiculturalism has been a fucking success.

Creating a social work industry narrative

2010-03-29T00:05:00.000+01:00

The hysteria which the social work industry displayed over at the Guardian on Thursday was something rather special, and it was the blogs which caused it all: clearly new media's day in Britain has finally dawned. However, causing grief for these parasites is one thing, but putting a stop to their insolence is quite another. We have obviously reached the first stage, but how do we get to the second?

What we need to do is write the concluding chapter of this political narrative. We have a full cast of characters, headed by the heroic parents fighting to save their families against the knuckle-dragging troglodytes who wish to rule over them. Then we have councillors who seem keener to work in tandem with the social work maggots than represent the people who elect them, and a system of family courts where anything seems to go and most of it in secret. Faced with such riches the question must be, where to begin?

Your friendly old Exile suggests that we keep it simple. The next election will be fought out between the middle class employed in the private sector who can be expected to vote Tory and their Nu-Labour voting cousins who work in the public arena. The former's taxes help pay for the latter to live in clover. Thus 52 percent of the economy is now generated by the public sector, up from 36 percent a decade ago. All that has to be paid for by people whose labour is productive of some finished good, and that in an economy where manufacturing has declined by half to just over 10 percent of output since 1997. Put bluntly, cuts have to be made in the public sector.

So the narrative should state that we do not object in principle to councils having a small group of well educated social workers who can give advice to people, but look what happened to these heroic, well-balanced families when the bloated, semi-educated polyocracy that makes up today's social work industry gets in on the act - and all at your expense to boot! Would it not be better for society at large if these people were just disposed of, especially in this time of economic crisis when sacrifices are needed across the board?

Like all good narratives this one is easy to articulate, simple to follow, and it ties in with other existing narratives that are already being presented. For instance David Cameron has gone on record as saying that teachers in future should be recruited from the ranks of people who have decent degrees from decent universities: so why should the social worker industry still be allowed to recruit dross from the old polys?

The beautiful thing about blogging is that we don't all need to sing from the same hymnal to make our presence felt. What we do need to do is reach the sort of conclusion outlined in this posting, hopefully from as many different political perspectives as possible. Let the social work industry worry about defending itself against attacks from the left, right or centre. Our aim must be to keep the narrative flowing, keep telling the story, and bring as many people onside as possible to our final aim which is the doing over of these two-legged cockroaches once and for all.

BA strike: union creates YouTube channel

2010-03-27T21:15:00.004Z

Just giving up a few minutes of my weekend in a good cause: the Unite Union has a channel up and running at YouTube and is using it to get the truth out about the strike that British Airways has forced the cabin crews to take. Please tell as many people as you can about this channel.

Cheers: Counterfire

Weekending: tits break free

2010-03-27T00:05:00.001Z

OK, you men, be careful here because these tits have a mind of their own!

Don't forget that the clocks go forward one hour at 2.00am on Sunday morning.

Murdoch to charge on-line Times readers

2010-03-26T16:15:00.001Z

The BBC reports that as of June punters will have to pay Rupert Murdoch £2.00 a week to access the Times and Sunday Times on-line. The Sun and News of the World will remain free for the time being and since they contain the same news, but with added tits, it is hard to see what Murdoch is playing at.

Social workers stifle debate

2010-03-25T00:05:00.002Z

Defensive lot the social work industry. A hackette scribbles a piece for the Guardian in which she vilifies the bloggers who attack the social work industry. No links are provided to any of the blogs and when the bloggers themselves arrive to defend their work the comments they leave are deleted. Needless to say, your friendly old Exile has enjoyed himself playing cat and mouse with the censors under several monickers, the most notable being one nicked from an old mate and commentator here, one Nick Urzdown. The silly sods haven't yet twigged that corny joke but never mind.

What is going on is quite straightforward. The social work industry and its allies do not want a debate about the future of the industry. It is the one debate that terrifies them because all we need to do is point to the fact that the average social worker is nothing but a semi-educated lump of lower middle class shit with a poly degree. David Cameron has already attacked the teaching trade for its low standards so the last thing that our social work friends want is for their lumpen educational standards to become a matter for public discourse.

So let's have this debate shall we? Why should public money be poured into the pockets of social work inbreds? Let them go and do something commensurate with their abilities, for instance asking simple questions such as:

"Do you want chips with that burger?"

Update, 25 March 2010, 11.45am:

The Guardian has closed comments for this piece after so many bloggers and their supporters charged in and basically took over the site. The social work vermin were being hit from all sides and the Guardian had to delete literally hundreds of comments, then close the comments down, just to allow those cockroaches to save face.

Oxford sex with a Zulu

2010-03-24T00:05:00.003Z

I have only ever gone horizontal jogging with one Zulu and that was at Oxford. . .

We went for a drink in the Bear, one of Oxford's better known hostelries, and I can remember that she could pour beer down her neck as if it were going out of fashion. Pints to boot, as there was none of this ladies' glass nonsense for that African Violet.

I took her back to my room and commenced to undress her. I tend to like a slow build-up to the copulatory ritual but madam was having none of that. Before I know what was happening she had shrugged off her kit and was scrambling into bed with a lascivious grin on her face. I climbed in next to her and she grabbed hold of my chopper and started to rub it until it assumed the correct rigid dimensions. Then she literally pulled me on top of her, placed my porker in the entrance to her body and off we went. I have heard that Irish foreplay involves saying "Brace yourself, Bridget," but that's more then we did that night.

By my arse she was ready for a good riveting! Her nails lacerated my back and it seemed as if I was coupling with a roll of barbed wire. Every time I tried to slow down to a good poking rhythm she would dig her forefinger into my ribs and with her tongue in my ear she would encourage me to faster exertions. I kept on banging away until the tightening in my balls told me that my wad was about to be shot. Try as I might I just couldn't hold it back and I was convinced that some of my teeth were working themselves loose as I pumped my spunk into her.

What can I say? A lovely lady who went on to get a fucking blue and about whom the Magdalen Tower joke was told. You haven't heard the joke? It goes like this:

What's the difference between (Insert name of suitable female here) and Magdalen Tower?

Not everyone in Oxford has been up Magdalen Tower!

As for me, I wished her luck and was not all that sorry to see the back of her. Put simply she just wore me out.

Introducing Casuals United

2010-03-23T12:45:00.003Z

Check out @casualsunited69 as they plan to provide a running commentary of any future English Defence League marches. They have a blog at Casuals United Blog - what a surprise, eh?

The blog reveals all the dislike that many working people have for the left these days - and it is the left's own fault. We have got to make it clear that our interest in lifestyle politics such as rampant poofery is nil and the only culture we give a stuff about is ours: the drink beer, shag women and hate the boss culture that we both have in common. We want to collectivise the economy because it is in our interest to share out the bastard work, and we want to see the same maggots who have done so well out of the past few years reduced to pimping their daughters as they do.

Our enemies are the same: let's fucking unite and do 'em over together.

Fake left continue to mither about the EDL

2010-03-23T00:05:00.000Z

Following on from last night's posting about the English Defence League, the reaction around the world of wank is everything that you would imagine it to be. Just about every so-called leftist blog is screaming about the EDL' racism, fascism and the like. Now a cursory check of the EDL will show that the body is pretty multi-ethnic in its make-up, which makes sense when you consider that it draws its support from working class areas. Not only that but the BNP positively loathes the EDL and wants nothing whatever to do with it. So what's going on?

Your friendly old Exile reckons that the ideologically pure at heart are basically shitting their loads at the thought of the real working class actually taking matters into their own hands and putting forward their own agenda. Note that we said the real working class, not the one that various precious souls fondly believe exists.

Not only that, but the agenda completely cuts out the old Trot-left groupings and leaves them high, dry and dick in hand. People like this really do believe that we are incapable of doing anything without the leadership of the middle class and it must really gall them that we can.

So they scream - and how funny it is to hear them scream. A whole new political world is slowly but surely being created and all these characters can do is scream in impotent rage from the sidelines.

English Defence League versus Great Unwashed in Bolton

2010-03-22T00:05:00.000Z

Would you? I mean seriously, would you? Obviously at the end of the night as the last couples make their way to the door and when you have had a few pints in your belly. Would you shag it then?

That is the problem that the left has these days, its people look like circus freaks. As for the ideology what can we say? Take Saturday's disturbance in Bolton as a case in point. The English Defence League, is a working class body that was created spontaneously in March of last year when a group of Muslims protested in Luton at the return of a British regiment from Afghanistan. British people mounted a counter demonstration and you will not be surprised to learn that the police only arrested the British people and left the curry munchers to continue with their antics.

The EDL marched in Bolton on Saturday and an SWP front called Unite Against Fascism mounted a counter march that seems to have consisted of equal parts of the great unwashed and Pakistanis under this banner:

The Trots at Socialist Unity are wanking themselves into a frenzy as the comments to this post show. Being Trots, and therefore very, very stupid, they cannot imagine any working class body not controlled by them that is anything other than a fascist front. The fact that their mere presence is enough to make most working class people walk away in disgust is not something that enters their little minds.

You think that we are exaggerating? Just take a look at the banner that was unfurled by the UAF people on Saturday and then consider the bird in the top photo.

Now go and have a nice long bath: you have earned it.