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29 May 2010
Zoe Margolis & Brooke Magnanti: spot the difference
It is easy to confuse Zoe Margolis with Brooke Magnanti. Both are 30-something Jewish girls who have had more pricks than a pincushion and then went on to make a fortune writing about their horizontal experiences. Both tried to remain anonymous and both were outed by newspapers - yes, it is easy to confuse them. The fact that one charged hard cash for her favours and the other had joined the All-England Free Fucking Team didn't seem to be important, at least until March of this year when it suddenly became very important indeed.

That was when Zoe wrote a story for the Independent. Now newspapers don't employ sub-editors anymore so this piece was probably subbed by whoever was hanging around the office, and you can imagine the thought process at work: was Zoe the one on the knock or did she give her favours for free? The hack couldn't remember, so took a guess and called the piece "I'm a hooker who became an agony aunt," whereupon all hell proceeded to break loose because he had guessed wrong.

Zoe quite rightly got in touch with the paper and the headline was changed to the more accurate "I'm a good-time girl who became an agony aunt," and later on an apology was printed. Given that this was an honest mistake with no malice involved you would think that honour was thus satisfied, but that was not the case because Zoe then decided to sue the Indy for libel. The paper did not have a leg to stand on and has agreed to pay out a massive sum to la Margolis.

The problem is that by taking the matter to court all Zoe has done is start the process of losing all the public sympathy that she had when the Indy made its mistake. She is starting to come over as a grasping little trollop, instead of the girl with an easy virtue that many young men fantasised over. If that grasping image becomes fixed in the public mind it may damage future book sales. A short term solution to gain money could mean that she loses out in the long run.


28 May 2010
New blog on the block
Tim Collard is an old friend of mine who now writes for the Daily Telegraph. He has just started his own blog where even the posts that the Telegraph won't run can have a home. Please get over there and visit him.
How not to impress a woman
I was in my twenties when I discovered that fucking Scousers consisted of two words; an understandable error to make since like most Mancunians the only reason I ever had to visit Liverpool was when I wanted to say hello to my hubcaps. That said, and say what you like about fucking Scousers, I have yet to meet one who had ever got a class above himself - until now that is. Step forward a fucking Scouser who calls himself Fishy and who blogs at Plenty More Fish Out Of Water.

Fishy's site is devoted to his risible attempts to catch a mate, and it has to be admitted that he has a fine writing style for a sad-arsed loser. Readers both gentle and base may argue that their friendly old Exile occasionally has woman trouble as this posting shows, but this bloke seems to revel in his status as the man who is sent home, dick in hand, to have a wank.

One posting pretty much sums up Fishy and his problems. In it he relates how he got the train to meet a young lady in Wigan. Then he complains about the price of her drinks, before engaging in a bout of mental masturbation over what he saw as an existential problem. Put simply the girl announced that she didn't want to go out with blacks and for Fishy this is beyond the pale. He went off to the lavatory to decide if he should "challenge" the poor girl over her disinclination to open her legs for those who have so enriched our country with their presence. Then he decided to slope out without saying anything leaving the girl alone.

What can we say? As a fucking Scouser what was he doing on the train? Surely he could have nicked a car for the night? Then he could have driven over to Manchester, hit an old lady on the head to steal her purse and used that money for the girl's drinks in Wigan. There is no law that makes miscegenation an obligatory act, so it is hard to know what this fucking Scouser thinks that he is doing telling any woman that she must get knobbed just to make a political point and keep him happy. Finally, what's with the "challenge" bollocks? They were on a date, for fuck's sake - Fishy was not sitting in the JCR at some polytechnic. He should have thanked the girl for the evening and made some vague comment about getting in touch at a future date. The mere fact that he didn't shows him up to be what is known in the trade as a right spastic: and right spastics do not get their knobs shined!


27 May 2010
Carla Bruni, & the Eurotrash sex guide video

Back in 1996 Carla Bruni recorded a short video clip for the Eurotrash show. It seems that she has been left shocked (Do you hear that? Shocked!) that the video has just resurfaced as part of In the tube with Carla, a 27 minute documentary about her. So shocked is the lady that French officials are running around like blue arsed flies getting it pulled from YouTube as fast as it gets uploaded.

The clip basically involves Carla translating various sexy phrases into other languages, so if you ever wanted to know the Italian for "stick your finger in my bottom," now's your chance to find out.

It really is so very entertaining to sit back and watch a slapper interact with her past, isn't it?


26 May 2010
Bastard Work
A couple of commentators to last night's posting have asked me if I have ever had any sort of normal job. Now I am not so sure what is all that abnormal about driving whores around a city and getting the odd leg-over thrown in as a tip, but I sort of take their point: they mean have I ever been a peon?

Of course I have! I left school just before my fifteenth birthday and went to work in a yard helping to pack bales of cotton onto lorries. I smiled at a joke on my first day and the chargehand told the foreman that I was skiver. He could see it in my fucking eyes, so he said, and besides you don't go to work to bloody well smile. Do that and you aren't working so I was sent to help drag a massive bale across the rain sleeked yard just to wipe the smile off my face..

I then spent the next decade or so as a projectionist, stage hand, club doorman - you name it and I did it. Bastard jobs came and went along with the three redundancy notices that I received that were all followed by spells on the dole. I also learned that if work is tedious, dirty and occasionally dangerous, then the union represented satisfaction, both intellectually and emotionally. Thanks to being a union activist I could do over the man, and pay him back in his own coin by giving him some of the grief that he and his breed had given me.

So, yeah, I have done my hours and hated every single one of them. I prefer the company of porn merchants and the likes of Ash and Svetlana, the two delightful little slappers that I introduced you to yesterday, because they do not sit there dropping dandruff onto the collars of their cheap suits, muttering through a fug of halitosis that they are there to manage and I am there to work and when they want my opinion they will ask for it.


24 May 2010
Amanda Holden Upskirt
This photo has just arrived in my mail and I decided to post it at once. What could be better on this Monday morning that a nice Amanda Holden upskirt, showing that Britain doesn't only have talent, but the talent has nice pussy as well.


Government to cut thousands of jobs
There is talk that the new government will cut anything up to 700,000 jobs, but it does not look as if we have anything to worry about as things stand:
The axe is looming for bodies such as the Qualification and Curriculum Development Agency, the South-East England Development Agency and the Infrastructure Planning Commission, while others with overlapping functions could be merged.
In simple English the non-jobs held by Nu-Labour's polyocracy are about to vanish and we can stand by for a great wailing as the parasites who held these posts face the cold blasts of economic reality.

Your friendly old Exile very much doubts if the council estates will care all that much. As this blog has been saying for quite some time, this recession is really a middle class problem and it is a section of the middle class that is about to get done over.


20 May 2010
Weekending: Tennis girl upskirt

Bollocks to it - I'm having an early weekend. You lot can amuse yourselves with this video which is seriously, but seriously, sleazy. I suppose that women's tennis is the home of the old upskirt, but some of you may think that this cameramen went a little too far with his zoom lens.

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19 May 2010
Samantha Cameron Upskirt
OK, it is not exactly a SamCam upskirt, but the camera did catch her flashing a very nice thong moment to be sure. The left may have the best economics, but the right has always led the field when it comes to shaggable talent.


Join the Child and Parent Alliance
The new government wants to make cuts in the public sector and what better way of starting would be to stick the boot into the social work industry? With that in mind, Chris Hawkins from the Child & Parent Alliance has been in touch to say that it is super important for people to sign up to the C&PA as soon as possible. Only from a position of strength can anyone talk to Ken Clarke and Sarah Teather regarding our friends in the industry, family court reform and the abolition of CAFCASS. Don't delay, join today, says Chris.


18 May 2010
Pirate Bay is down: filesharers move to other platforms
It appears that the Pirate Bay is down after a consortium of American companies managed to get an injunction taken out against its German internet service provider. Since an estimated twenty percent of all files are shared via TPB, does this mean that file sharing has suddenly become more difficult? Probably not, thinks your friendly old Exile, since many users have already switched over to Mininova, so much so that they are in the process of installing a new server. Many other users are hunting for their favourite films at Rapidshare.com and the like, where users can upload a file to a server and then other people can download it directly, without the need to use P2P technology.

Just when the man thinks that he is on top of the situation at last, up pops an army of spotty-faced geeks to prove that the battle is still far from over.


17 May 2010
Let's hear it for Alix Bromley, the epic boobs girl
Most people have probably never heard of Alix Bromley, but just about everyone has heard of the epic boobs girl, since photos of her have been circulating around the web since 2006. Alix posted photos of herself to Bebo and was then amazed when the newspapers tried to find out who she was. The little darling took the matter up with the Press Complaints Council who have just rejected her complaint on the grounds that, well, every bugger has seen her flashing 'em around so what is she mithering about?

Want to see more of the little darling and her two puppies? Here you go. . .


14 May 2010
Weekending: When you want to watch football

That's all for this week, folks, as I am seriously shagged out after the election. See you next week!


13 May 2010
Banana Boy aims to lead Labour Party
Nu-Labour is regrouping and preparing to regain power after a short spell in opposition, just like 1951 and 1979 in fact. There is even going to be a leadership election and David Miliband has already tossed his hat into the ring. If you think that his famous banana is limp the chances are that it is firmer than anything else he has is likely to hold in his hand: this loser can't even father his own kids and was forced to adopt them. Yet this Primrose Hill pretty boy is the odds-on favourite to win the leadership contest.

It makes me want to weep.


12 May 2010
Pricks on parade for the Condem Coalition
David Cameron's people practise safe tax: they use nondoms! Now the man himself has taken over the reigns of government as head of a Conservative and Liberal-Democrat administration, soon to be known as the Condem Coalition, guaranteed to cover small pricks for a short period of time.

Looking at this ramshackle arrangement the first thing that becomes clear is that never again can the Liberals call themselves a leftist party. They are an adjunct to the Tories and that is going to hurt them outside Southern England at the next election.

Labour will attack the Condems exactly at the join between the two parties. With a bit of luck, or a good dose of Tory nastiness, then they might be able to achieve that end. If that happens then we can look forward to another election towards the end of this year.


11 May 2010
The unelected Prime Minister myth
As negotiations between Labour and Liberal to create a government proceed apace, your friendly old Exile has one favour to ask. Could people please stop yacking about how the resignation of Gordon Brown could lead to a second unelected Prime Minister being installed?

The simple truth is that no Prime Minister is ever elected. They are all appointed by the Crown on the basis that they can command a majority in the House of Commons. Why the Commons and not the Lords? Basically because money bills start in the Commons, that's why. So a Prime Minister does not have to sit in the Commons, he can sit in the Lords, but his party must have a majority of the votes in the Commons, either alone or in a coalition.

Since this has always been the case, the argument that Brown is an unelected PM is nothing more nor less than a load of old wank.


10 May 2010
The Tory OK-Yah Moment
The Tories found that at least one of their OK-Yah moments was captured on film when David Newman, the Tory agent in Richmond Park, raised his arms in triumph when Zac Goldsmith's victory was announced. At least Goldsmith, pictured on the left, had the decency to look embarrassed by the antics. For the record, Zac is a multi-millionaire mate of David Cameron from their time together at Eton. Zac doesn't pay anything to the exchequer as he pracises safe tax and uses a nondom. . .

Funnily enough, he and Cameron and little Georgie Osborne may be the reason why the Tories didn't walk to victory. The impression that they gave of languid superiority was just asking to be slapped down. And let's face it, watching their gloating sense of self-entitlement deflate as the night wore on was a joy to savour for years to come.


08 May 2010
Is the Grand Progressive Coalition being formed?
Is a Grand Progressive Coalition possible in the House of Commons? This blog reckons that it is and even though we don't get to see the end of Nu-Labour in the short term, in the long run we probably will. In the meantime, if the GPC comes about then we can sit back and watch as the Tories self destruct in internecine warfare - something that couldn't happen to a better bunch of two-legged cockroaches.

Labour has 258 seats, and seemingly a mountain the climb to get to the 326 needed to have a one seat majority. However, the Scottish Nationalists have six seats and their Welsh counterparts have three. In Ulster the Social Democratic & Labour Party have three and the Alliance one. All of those parties would be more than happy to come along if the budgets for their respective countries were guaranteed by Labour. Caroline Lucas who holds the single Green seat may be brought on board with some tree-hugging tosh, and all told that gives our putative coalition 272 seats.

Labour can buy off the Liberals and get their 57 seats with a cast-iron promise to change the voting system. The Tories cannot offer that, but starting last night quite a few Labour figures tossed it on the table in post-election interviews. The notion that such a power hungry party would agree to go out of power when its ministers could keep their paws on the levers of government by making a deal is ludicrous. Bingo: a coalition with 329 seats in the Commons and a tiny majority of just three.

The beautiful thing about this idea is that the only reason why the Tory backwoodsmen ever went along with Cameron and his reforms was because he promised them power. If he cannot deliver that then they might just tear him to pieces. The Tory Party could be out of power for another generation.

What does the left get out of this? The chance, finally, to have a party that represents the urban working class without having to pander to the liberal middle class and their tedious social issues.

It all looks win-win to your friendly old Exile!


07 May 2010
Thoughts on the election
However you cut it the election result is a disaster for socialism and the left. We were hoping for a plethora of small parties to be returned to Westminster in the hope that chaos would ensure. As any socialist knows, chaos is our best friend for out of it comes opportunity. That moment has passed and we must take what small comfort we can for the plight of the other parties.

The Tories were expected to walk this election, but with 25 seats still to declare they have a derisory 294 seats with just 36 per cent of the vote. David Cameron made enormous changes to his party, changes that his rank and file accepted with gritted teeth because he told them that it was the path to victory. So where's the victory, Dave?

The Liberal-Democrats were expected to be a major player but have a laughable 52 seats and an even more risible 23 per cent of the vote. They might keep one party in power, but will have to be content with a pat on the head and some vague promises of electoral reform. What did for them was their immigration policy, in particular the bit about an amnesty for illegal immigrants. Yes, we know that the middle class rely on cheap labour, but the rest of us would rather like our country back if you don't mind.

Labour is the victor, whether we like it or not. The party has 252 seats out of 29 per cent of the vote at the time of writing. Given that they were facing extinction at the start of the campaign that is an achievement in itself. They were lucky in that they were able to remind people of just what utter shits the Tories are when they are in power, a strategy that was helped by the public schoolboy nature of the Tory front bench.

So what are we to do? Nothing, in a word, because there is nothing that we can do. We need to sit back and await events in the hope that we can take advantage of them. Whichever government takes power later today is going to be weak and a new election is likely within the year. We need to be ready for that.


06 May 2010
Lancaster polling day report
The polls close in less than an hour and the word from Labour activists is that the solid Labour wards did not turn out in any numbers. The people that saw voting represented a false dawn that quickly ended. Over at the University of Lancaster campus the turnout seems to have been very high indeed with people having to wait up to an hour to vote. Most of those votes can be expected to go to the Liberal-Democrats and the Greens, so that will not effect the outcome of the vote in any way.

On the basis of gossip from activists it looks as if this constituency may have gone Conservative due to a massive abstention on the working class estates.


Lancaster polling day half-way report
I went to vote at about 12.30pm to find quite a few people arriving and leaving the polling station. The three main parties all had tellers on duty and they reported that turnout had been high all day. Given then my station is in the middle of a large council estate that is interesting and bodes well for Nu-Labour.

Lancaster and Fleetwood is number 81 on the Tory hit list. If they cannot take this seat then the swing to them will be in the order of three to four percent, which will leave Labour as the largest party.


Why I will vote for the UKIP today
I shall vote for the United Kingdom Independence Party since getting my country out of the European Union is an essential first step for me as a socialist who wishes to see the full collectivisation of the British economy. Not only that but the local UKIP candidate, Fred McGlade, has written the words that many a working man has waited thirteen long years to hear:
To often working class people find that there is to much week left at the end of the money, and despite repeated promises from the champaign socialists of the Labour Party, the reality is that housing, a decent education, jobs and a decent standard of living remain beyond the reach of the ordinary working class family.
How you vote is up to you, but please do not fall for any more of Labour's lies. The party has been taken over not by the left or the right but by the middle class. They do not really want us - just look at the Bigotgate affair to see that - so they have no claim on our loyalty.

Good luck to all of us.


Polling day is here at last!
Today is polling day in the United Kingdom's election and the only thing that is clear is that nothing is clear at all. The polls have the Tories on around 35%, Labour at about 29% and the Liberal-Democrats bringing up the rear with 26%. Interestingly, the minor parties have a 10% share of the vote.

Here in Lancaster and Southport, which is one of the Tory target seats, I have not seen a single house with a Tory poster in its window. A few Labour posters can be seen around, with the Lib-Dem supporters coming in second, and a long way behind either of them are the Greens. The Tory failure could be down to the fact that the left has basically made voting Tory akin to buying pornography - it is something that people do furtively in the hope that nobody notices that by definition both groups are composed of wankers. Nevertheless, the fact that the Tories cannot get anyone to put many posters up bodes ill for their campaign.

This election is going to be the most interesting of my lifetime.


05 May 2010
Never vote Tory: here's a reminder why
Here's one good reason why you shouldn't vote fucking Tory tomorrow: it's the party of the Maggot and of those who want to lick the Maggot's diseased-ridden cunt. The Tories are the enemy, the party of the employer and the employer's bumboys: always have been, always will be.

The have lied over the past few years and claimed that they are different now than they were, but just look at their record in Hammersmith and Fulham to see the reality. They promised to make the poor better off and promptly closed down twelve homeless shelters, forcing at least one heavily pregnant woman onto the streets. In their 2006 manifesto they promised: "A Conservative council will not reintroduce home-care charging". That promise lasted exactly three months before the fuckers reneged on it. After having jacked up the cost of the meals on wheels service by a whopping £527 a year, the Tories are now eyeing their big prize: the selling off of the council estates for redevelopment by rich bastards. Maxine Davies (42) a mother who lives on one such estate put together a group to fight these plans. When David Cameron came to visit he accused her of "black propaganda" when she challenged him over this. Maxine countered by saying that it was official party policy, whereupon Cameron told her that if she didn't like it, she "should stand for election."

What more is left to be said? The Tories are vermin: never vote for them.


A Swift Kick in the Balls

I know nothing about the Sunlight Centre For Open Government, but it sure knows how to produce a wounding attack advert. Will this damage Ed Balls? Let's hope so.


Now Labour is trying to fiddle the ballots
Investigating voter registration fraud can be dangerous as the Independent's Jerome Taylor found out to his cost. He was battered to the ground by a gang of Pakistanis in Bow, East London, one of the blackspots for this type of political fraud.

The Daily Mail has more on the story, but the good news is that the Conservatives, Respect and the Liberal-Democrats are all pushing hard for the police to mount a full investigation into what seems to be Nu-Labour's last desperate attempt to hold onto its former stronghold seats by whatever means it can.

Nu-Labour changed the rules to allow just about anyone to claim a postal ballot, and since no proof of identity is even needed to register to vote, it is quite possible for a person to register any number of fictitious people to a house and then claim a postal vote for them.

The sooner that rancid collection of spivs, chancers and dodgy ethnic types that is known as New Labour is out of office the better.


04 May 2010
Could Jack Straw lose in Blackburn?
Could Jack Straw be about to lose his Blackburn seat? Craig Murray thinks so and points to the fact that Straw seems to be engaged in the illegal practise of treating people with free food and drink at his election meetings. Craig explains that in Gujarati culture if you take a candidate's food then you are morally obliged to support that person at the polls, and Straw has organising any number of meetings with Gujaratis. . .

Two things seem to have happened to scare Jack Straw. The first is the candidacy of Bushra Irfan, an Asian solicitor who stood down from her role as Liberal-Democrat candidate in a Sheffield seat to take on Straw in her home town. As we have already reported, the Straw team take her very seriously indeed, even to the extent of sending tame council workmen to her house to tear down her election hoarding.

Secondly, the Tories are fighting a seriously dirty campaign and have issued at least one "unofficial" leaflet which claims:
We have in front of us a whole saga of atrocities committed in Iraq, in Afghanistan, in Palestine, and if this was not enough, the Labour government allowed the Israeli government to create havoc in Lebanon and Gaza in Palestine...killing and maiming thousands of innocent civilians.
The point about all this is that to win Straw needs the support of pretty much the entire Asian voting block and at least some of the white working class. Bushra Irfan and the Tories are unlikely to get many white votes with their campaigns, but they might cut deeply into the Asian vote.

If that happens then Straw could lose to either the Liberal-Democrats or even the British National Party.

Update, 12.55pm, 4 May 2010:

At Jack Straw's gathering last night it was announced food would not be served as it would be against electoral law. This is something of a victory. About a quarter of the audience left immediately and most of the rest wandered out less obviously during the next half hour!
Nice work Craig!


03 May 2010
Lib-Dems fall in the polls: immigration is the reason why
Liberal-Democrat sources have it that the reason why the party is now falling in the polls is the stance on immigration. The idea of rewarding illegals with residency after ten years of evading the police is Lib-Dem policy and the voters are revolted by it. Nick Clegg can try to spin the policy however he wants but the voters know that the Lib-Dems will reward illegality and that is the top and bottom of a policy that has helped to burst the party's bubble.


02 May 2010
Common People video

This video was uploaded to YouTube on the 22nd April and has already had 280,000 views. Trust me it is seriously funny anti-Tory agitprop.


01 May 2010
Bigotgate continues to rumble

In what is likely to become the defining image of this election campaign, Gordon Brown holds his head in his hands as his words of contempt for Labour's core voters are played back to him.

That contempt looks set to be paid back with interest as the working class abandons Labour in droves either to abstentions or the minor parties. In Dagenham, a seat that has had a Labour MP since the Second World War, the people are repeating the refrain that came over loud and clear in Rochdale and is now spreading throughout the country: Labour no longer speaks for the British working class.