28 May 2010
How not to impress a woman
I was in my twenties when I discovered that fucking Scousers consisted of two words; an understandable error to make since like most Mancunians the only reason I ever had to visit Liverpool was when I wanted to say hello to my hubcaps. That said, and say what you like about fucking Scousers, I have yet to meet one who had ever got a class above himself - until now that is. Step forward a fucking Scouser who calls himself Fishy and who blogs at Plenty More Fish Out Of Water.
Fishy's site is devoted to his risible attempts to catch a mate, and it has to be admitted that he has a fine writing style for a sad-arsed loser. Readers both gentle and base may argue that their friendly old Exile occasionally has woman trouble as this posting shows, but this bloke seems to revel in his status as the man who is sent home, dick in hand, to have a wank.
One posting pretty much sums up Fishy and his problems. In it he relates how he got the train to meet a young lady in Wigan. Then he complains about the price of her drinks, before engaging in a bout of mental masturbation over what he saw as an existential problem. Put simply the girl announced that she didn't want to go out with blacks and for Fishy this is beyond the pale. He went off to the lavatory to decide if he should "challenge" the poor girl over her disinclination to open her legs for those who have so enriched our country with their presence. Then he decided to slope out without saying anything leaving the girl alone.
What can we say? As a fucking Scouser what was he doing on the train? Surely he could have nicked a car for the night? Then he could have driven over to Manchester, hit an old lady on the head to steal her purse and used that money for the girl's drinks in Wigan. There is no law that makes miscegenation an obligatory act, so it is hard to know what this fucking Scouser thinks that he is doing telling any woman that she must get knobbed just to make a political point and keep him happy. Finally, what's with the "challenge" bollocks? They were on a date, for fuck's sake - Fishy was not sitting in the JCR at some polytechnic. He should have thanked the girl for the evening and made some vague comment about getting in touch at a future date. The mere fact that he didn't shows him up to be what is known in the trade as a right spastic: and right spastics do not get their knobs shined!