08 September 2009
How to e-mail safely
Your friendly old Exile can think of two reasons to go to bastard work. The first is the money, especially Friday pay-day, and running into the nearest swill shop to get the taste of the job out of the gob with pint after pint of bitter. The second is the intellectual stimulation that comes from doing over the management filth, day after day, week in and week out. You don't even have to be a union activist to have a laugh at those creatures' expense: you just have to know how to wind the fuckers up, something that this writer has always been an expert at.
As more and more people are employed as office drones the means of subversive have changed out of all recognition from the old days, but they are still there. Today, wasting a full day behind a computer screen watching YouTube videos or e-mailing friends with scurrilous gossip have become the tactics of choice for the discerning subversive.
Unfortunately, the enemy has become adept at using computer programmes to sniff out when we are skiving off work. The latest is a programme developed by an American outfit called Cataphora which:
. . . builds up a model of how the office works, by studying the pattern of emails fired back and forth, and then scans for deviations from it. Suddenly WRITING IN CAPITALS? That's a sign of high emotion (not to mention base illiteracy). Switching from English into another language for greater security, or breaking off an email discussion to continue via phone? Again, a possible sign that something's up.How can we do over programmes such as this and continue on our merry way? Basically by using our common sense and not making life easy for the management filth, that's how. Now none of what follows involves anything sophisticated so don't worry as a degree in IT is not going to be required.
The first thing is that you have to stop using the firm's e-mail programme. People, that is just so very basic that we at Team Exile are constantly amazed that folk do not take this simple precaution. Think about it: anything you write using the firm's facilities can be traced to you by a cursory inspection of your hard drive. Use a web based e-mail and you are much safer.
Why not have your work e-mail open in one window and your webmail account open in another? That way you can use the firm's mail for matters that relate to work and your web account for when you want to forward that hilarious mail that arrived a minute ago.
Now if you want to blog about bastard work then the tactics are slightly more complicated, but not by all that much. They are outlined here and really involve nothing more than basic common sense.
That said, most people will probably be satisfied with the ability to send uncensored e-mails. So long as they don't use the firm's account they should be able to do that quite easily thanks to web based e-mail facilities.
No go off and enjoy yourselves at the firm's expense.