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24 June 2008
More calls to invade Zimbabwe
Paddy Ashdown has ceased fucking his secretary and now wants us to consider invading Zimbabwe. Harry's Place is wanking already at the thought of us doing that without any further consideration. The concept of us is generally agreed to mean our sons, not theirs, by the way.

Now we have had this lunacy before and your friendly Exile pointed out then that Zimbabwe is landlocked so the only way to actually get into the country is either by the invitation of a neighbour, or by fighting a war to cross that neighbour's soil. Needless to say, the Harry's Place gang are too busy salivating at the thought of yet more death and destruction to think about that minor point.

There is another minor issue that stands in the way of this proposed cakewalk. Read these words carefully, you warmongers: Plenty of Zimbabweans will fight if invaded. Got that?

OK, here is how things will pan out. Mugabe is of the Zezuru clan, of the Shona nation. The Zezura make up about a million or so of the population. They now command the armed forces and have done ever since the much larger Karanga clan - who did most of the fighting in the War of Independence - were purged from their senior posts in the armed forces in 2004.

Now it may very well be a crap army, but as Iraq proved, you don't have to have state of the art training and equipment to tie a modern force down.

The monsoon season lasts from November to April. At the moment the climate is cool which means that the elephant grass is still as high as the animal that it is named after. That grass will not die down until the extreme heat and lack of water kills it off from August to November.

Now you don't need to be a military genius to figure out what will happen if Zimbabwe is invaded over the coming days or weeks. The invaders will face any number of Zezuru, coupled with whatever clan fighters they have managed to recruit from the other Shona clans, all hiding in the elephant grass waiting to make life very nasty for any white man that they see coming their way.

Paddy Ashdown is yesterday's man, trying to make a name for himself today and the Harry's Place gang are just completely fucking demented. We, the sane people of Britain need to make it clear to all and sundry that we are not going to support yet another war against yet another third world shithole just to make people like that feel all warm, cuddly and important.



Nah. No-one's stupid enough to try to put a ground force in and keep it there for any length of time - even Harry's Place knows that doesn't work.The real fronting up will be done by the South African Army, stiffened by a battalion or two of our Paras. The latter won't be in there long enough to get clocked; nor will any of your Zezurus get close enough to spot whether a face is white or not before getting blown away. And if there are a million of them now, there'll be a lot less afterwards. If they can be arsed to fight for Uncle Bob at all, that is. And I'm not convinced.

24 June 2008 at 16:27  

The South African army will act as Britain's stooge? Only in your dreams is that going to happen.

24 June 2008 at 18:03  

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