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19 April 2008
When thieves fall out
It is good fun to watch thieves fall out, and what follows is a classic of its kind. The Drink Soaked Hand Shandyists For War have been a semi-regular target of this blog's contempt for years, but a new contender in the spill it over the thumb stakes has now entered the race. Mark O'Atilla Hoare - could I make that monicker up? - is a mate of Gimlet and is, therefore, as pompous and opinionated as you would expect from one of that short-arsed little fucker's associates.

The argument itself is a trivial as you might expect, given participants like these, but it's the abuse that is being tossed about that makes it so funny. The Shandyists accuse O'Atilla of belonging to the group who have "lost the faith of their youth," and the Gimletista goes on about "unrealisable left wing ideals".

Do you see why they are all so risible? British socialism doesn't have its roots in either idealism or faith, because it is not a religion. It has its social roots in the rough and ready collectivism of urban Britain.

Ideologically it appeals to those who have an atavistic loathing for the employer and the employer's man. The notion that bastard work involves boss man's place, boss man's profits and boss man's problems and that we are just there to pick up our wages is an integral part of that same easy egalitarianism that I mentioned earlier.

Idealists, like the Gimletista and the Shandyists have always had a problem with this truism, but that just reflects the fact that they came to their socialism not through a sense of economic self-interest, but via a one-handed reading of the Communist Manifesto. Thus in the past, early steam-driven Gimletistas would argue that under socialism, workers would skip merrily to their work, secure in the knowledge that they were working for themselves and the betterment of society. Yes, well that was a load of old wank as well, wasn't it?

The rest of us came to socialism because we don't want to have to labour to keep some fat-arsed gaffer behind his desk, giving out his old buck. We want to share out the bastard work so that no bugger has to bust a ball to earn a buttie and we can get down to the pub a lot quicker to get the taste of what will still be bastard work out of our gobs. We also want to see the boss dangling from a tree, legs kicking in the breeze, and his bitch reduced to sucking cock to survive. Socialism is also about revenge, lads. It's also about revenge.

Now it may very well be that we will have to settle for a high tax, high inflation regimen, but that actually has an advantage over a tall tree and a short rope, in that these creatures get to survive, get to be humiliated, day after day after day. That is the way it used to be; that is the way it will be again.

Update, 19 April, 1.35am:

We would just like to take this opportunity of welcoming Mark O'Atilla Hoare to the blog. Mark blessed us with his presence at 7.05am BST and stayed for just under four minutes. He logged on from Southend-on-Sea, where we hope that he is having a dirty weekend. We also hope that it is with a girl...

We would like to know why he is not tucked up at this time in the morning? We hope that he did not shit the bed.

Update, 19 April, 3.00am:

The Exile has now been doubly blessed. Mark returned at 8.22am and stayed until 8.30. Oh joy! Oh rapture!

Oh fuck it, I'm off to bed.



I think his name is Marco Atilla, but never mind.

His website is wonderfully pompous.

19 April 2008 at 16:20  

Yeah? Well bollocks to it as I can't be mithered changing it. He's probably used to people buggering up his daft name.

19 April 2008 at 23:38  

I can't believe it, despite being a mancusian (wrong side of the Pennines) your blog is so sophisticated, tasteful and you've nailed Olivia de Kammiland who really is a total wanker. Have you though of becoming his biographer? Think you should.

20 April 2008 at 23:39  

I was born in Halifax, love, so don't worry.

What follows is my comment to you over at the Guardian. It will probably get deleted when the moderator falls out of bed, so let's have a copy here:

How did young Gimlet make it through Oxford, Pru asks? Here is the tale...

Gimlet was involved with a political faction in the Oxford Union called Limehouse - it was the Social Democrats' front body before the Lib-Dems were created. The short story is that he was knifed by this faction and the humiliation led him to wander off to the Labour Club. Since that body was not involved with the OU, that is why nobody can remember much about him.

Shortly thereafter, sing the little birds, he managed to get himself humiliated yet again, this time by a girl who not only rejected his advances, but made it clear to all her friends what she was doing. To add to his frustration,Gimlet was never invited to the drinks' parties and the like that used to run at a secretarial college.

He just seems to have dropped out of everything, and crawled back to New College never to be seen again. So complete was his isolation that people who were members of New College in those days can only dimly remember him.

I suspect that these humiliations help account for his animosity towards Neil Clark. Gimlet just demands to be taken seriously...

21 April 2008 at 04:30  

CIF wont let Prudence come out to play(miserable gits) Your posts are gone and so are mine, chuck. I sent this earlier, think it's still there.

Moderators, you know when I said to do what you wanted with my posts, no hard feelings? you're pushing it. I'll try again with loads of moderation.


Comment No. 1291368

April 22 13:47

Britmex, I'd been following the raucous from yours and Neil's blog (and you're a literary genius by the way, Ken) I don't have much free time being why I didn't come and smack the little wXXXXr earlier (and when I made time, made a right cock-up of some of my posts. Still, good for a laugh) That and I always thought blogging with few exceptions (you and Neil a'course) was for pXXX's and no way to spend the remnants of a double first from a proper university where the working classes had to fight their way in then use that chip on our shoulders to all intents and purposes to change the world - end up with mind numbing career to pay the bills. Gave it all up, I now live on a small holding, trying to be self sufficient. (yip, a cabbage patch) Now I sort of see the world through a whole new prism and I fXXXing hate it.
I also hate supermarkets and the fact that XXXXX's is suing the GXXXXXXn gave me real pause for hope until I read somewhere that one of it's (GXXXXXXs) editors had to resign as a non executive from XXXX's board due to conflict of interest. When I have a minute I'll remember this editors name. Fucking non exec on XXXXX's board, the bloodsucking twatbags that squeezes British farmers and numerous other suppliers, dry, and uses child labour in Bangladesh? That's some second (9th or 10th) job (perk.) (XXXXX - don't like it, bloodsucking bastards that you are, sue Channel 4) I'd starve before I sat on your board (but out of interest, how much do you pay?)

I blame Gimlet for XXXXX, don't know about you. I'll drop you a line because I think we should have a gang and become virtual bullies. It could be so therapeutic. (seems to work for Gimlet) We need to make a list of every wanker we ever hated, starting and ending with Gimlet. Basically just go for everybody who signed the EM now morphed Democrataya (puke or what, sounds like it might get stains out though? and who better to develop such an earth moving enzyme - I say, we water board them)

Right, this is me signing off (rant allowance, spent) Drop you a line later after helping his Nibs. Did you say Halifax, Chuck? my other half is from the cultural centre of the North - Ossett.
Sorry, did you say you had company from Napier? that's a technical college. Why would Gimlet be hanging out with a plumber? Now I'm sorry I asked. Neil, lock your doors, barr your windows.

Moders, Is this alright? Tell me the truth because I want to fit in. Wasn't trying to be controversial but just so you know, that editor from the XXXXXXXX who resigned as a non exec on XXXXX board, is all over the fXXXXXg net anyway. And about XXXXXX XXXX (also known as Gimlet) everybody knows he's a XXXXXXg XXXX that's hardly XX and XXXXX is it? I understand you are being made to delete my posts against your will. Don't fret. I love this blog, I'm staying. Are you in a Union? I think what they're making you do to my post adds up to a grievence, why not make it official?

Matt Seaton, I know someone who snogged you - for a bunch of my prize winning carrots, a turnip and a leg of free range pork I think I could get the lowdown on how well you did? Leave my fXXXXXg posts alone please.

And Gimlet, all the cif mods hate you. All the editors hate you. They emailed me again apologising for deleting my posts because they agreed with every fucking word wrote about you. You're only on CIF for a laugh.

22 April 2008 at 20:07  

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