19 April 2008
When thieves fall out
It is good fun to watch thieves fall out, and what follows is a classic of its kind. The Drink Soaked Hand Shandyists For War have been a semi-regular target of this blog's contempt for years, but a new contender in the spill it over the thumb stakes has now entered the race. Mark O'Atilla Hoare - could I make that monicker up? - is a mate of Gimlet and is, therefore, as pompous and opinionated as you would expect from one of that short-arsed little fucker's associates.
The argument itself is a trivial as you might expect, given participants like these, but it's the abuse that is being tossed about that makes it so funny. The Shandyists accuse O'Atilla of belonging to the group who have "lost the faith of their youth," and the Gimletista goes on about "unrealisable left wing ideals".
Do you see why they are all so risible? British socialism doesn't have its roots in either idealism or faith, because it is not a religion. It has its social roots in the rough and ready collectivism of urban Britain.
Ideologically it appeals to those who have an atavistic loathing for the employer and the employer's man. The notion that bastard work involves boss man's place, boss man's profits and boss man's problems and that we are just there to pick up our wages is an integral part of that same easy egalitarianism that I mentioned earlier.
Idealists, like the Gimletista and the Shandyists have always had a problem with this truism, but that just reflects the fact that they came to their socialism not through a sense of economic self-interest, but via a one-handed reading of the Communist Manifesto. Thus in the past, early steam-driven Gimletistas would argue that under socialism, workers would skip merrily to their work, secure in the knowledge that they were working for themselves and the betterment of society. Yes, well that was a load of old wank as well, wasn't it?
The rest of us came to socialism because we don't want to have to labour to keep some fat-arsed gaffer behind his desk, giving out his old buck. We want to share out the bastard work so that no bugger has to bust a ball to earn a buttie and we can get down to the pub a lot quicker to get the taste of what will still be bastard work out of our gobs. We also want to see the boss dangling from a tree, legs kicking in the breeze, and his bitch reduced to sucking cock to survive. Socialism is also about revenge, lads. It's also about revenge.
Now it may very well be that we will have to settle for a high tax, high inflation regimen, but that actually has an advantage over a tall tree and a short rope, in that these creatures get to survive, get to be humiliated, day after day after day. That is the way it used to be; that is the way it will be again.
Update, 19 April, 1.35am:
We would just like to take this opportunity of welcoming Mark O'Atilla Hoare to the blog. Mark blessed us with his presence at 7.05am BST and stayed for just under four minutes. He logged on from Southend-on-Sea, where we hope that he is having a dirty weekend. We also hope that it is with a girl...
We would like to know why he is not tucked up at this time in the morning? We hope that he did not shit the bed.
Update, 19 April, 3.00am:
The Exile has now been doubly blessed. Mark returned at 8.22am and stayed until 8.30. Oh joy! Oh rapture!
Oh fuck it, I'm off to bed.