19 December 2005
Wanking for war & Rhodesia.
I shouldn't do this because it's too easy, but playing with Eric is one of the joys of blogging. He's just announced that Bob Hawk, the former Prime Minister of the Dominion of Australia has died. Hawke is actually alive and kicking, but the lad Eric wanted to post a comment about Malaysia, and the death of Hawke's socialism, but he just can't write very well. Could I make any of this up? I think not.
My favourite recent posting from the lad is the one where he calls for "the removal and replacement of Mugabe". Do you think that I should tell the silly sod that Zimbabwe is sort of land-locked? Thus to remove her leader would mean fighting at least one other country that borders her. I don't see that one as a goer, myself, but if it gives young Eric something to wank over, who am I to argue? God knows but Iraq hasn't exactly gone as the hand-shandyists wanted, has it? All the more reason to start a regional war in Southern Africa, seems to be the lad's reasoning.
I love the "replacement" bit, though. Replace Mugabe with whom, I ask myself? Then, quick as a flash, the answer hit me: the Grand Old Man himself, Ian Douglas Smith is still alive! Of course, the bloody kaffirs are incapable of running their own affairs, so what finer choice could there be to lead them than the man who once said "we have the happiest Africans in the world"? Eric obviously wants to make them even happier.
I feel that this is 1977 all over again, and I'm sitting in a bar watching the end of that night's TV. The music swells - the Ode to Joy comes over the airwaves - and the voices sing, sing, sing:
Rise, O voices of Rhodesia.
God may we thy bounty share
Give us strength to face all danger and,
where challenge is, to dare.
Guide us, Lord, to wise decision,
ever of thy grace aware.
Oh, let our hearts beat bravely always,
for this land within thy care.
For some strange reason all these tossers in general - to say nothing of Eric in particular - remind me of a fool I knew many years ago. He was a Brummie and a fair typical representative of the city that is basically a pile on England's arsehole. When he wasn't going on about the great socialist tomorrow he would bend your ear with a moan about how his differentials were being eroded.
Now, if you are a wanker for war, go off at this point and introduce yourself to your father and ask him to tell you what I am on about. (He'll need a moment to recover from the shock at having an unknown son. Not to worry, just remind him that your mother was the one who looked wonderful after about five pints; that should jog his memory.) For the rest of you, this bollocks involved the percentage difference that skilled working men got in relation to semi-skilled and unskilled workers. It was a load of old wank in other words, but very important to Brummies.
The point is that come 1979 and this git went off and voted for Thatcher. There was no depth to his ideology, no real sense of the class hatred that is at the root of socialism. I suspect that the same is true of these wankers for war. They mouth off about socialism but they are no more a part of the tribe of labour than the Brummie git already mentioned.
Still, so long as they are around, good sport can be had by all. . .