01 December 2005
Calling all warmongers: this is November's gloat.
Hello lads - how's life in Chickenhawkland? Pretty shitty, I would imagine, so let's make it a damn site worse.
The cull for the month of November came to 84 Americans. This means that November 2005 was a pretty good, above-average month for the Iraqis. They have now managed to put down a grand total of 2,113 Americans, which puts them way ahead of the Vietnamese at this stage in the war that they were forced to fight.
On the home front, pressure to leave Iraq grew a lot, as almost two-thirds of Americans now want to see an end to this aggression. Sorry lads, but you can mither about that until you turn blue in the face, and it will not alter the fact that the Chimp and his little toy-boy in London have lost whatever support they might once have had.
The American Congress began slow moves to catch up with this change in opinion - they've got to get re-elected, bless 'em - and the White House did a quick-step to try and keep up with everyone else. Basically, the Chimp's men are now claiming that Sen. Joseph Biden's idea to cut 50,000 men from the occupation force was actually theirs all along.
To make matters even more interesting, it is quite probable that the war mongers would want to cut and run even if this war had not become unpopular. The reason for this is that they are running out of willing bullet stoppers. Old soldiers just want to get out and new recruits are few and far between. They could raise soldiers' pay, but that leads them up against the imovable object known as the budget deficit. You see the problem, lads? Not enough soldiers are willing to die for this fantasy of a privatised Iraq that recognises Israel, and not enough money is available to tempt new ones.
Finally, we had the news that the Americans are going to start talking to the Iranians. I know, I know, but the axis of evil was so last week. Besides, as I pointed out only yesterday, the buggers don't have much choice.
O-Kay - I can see problems here for you lot. If you were an Iraqi nationalist and you had just been told that the Americans were going to reduce their forces to about 100,000 men, what would you do? I know the question is a bit silly, because being hand-shandyists you haven't got the bottle to do anything, but stick with me on this one. Let's pretend that you have balls, just for a moment. . .
Would you sit on your arses and say, "Wow! It's almost over, let's have some tea and wait until these buggers finally leave". Or would you think, "Right, less Americans means more room for us to move around and now's our chance to wipe out that fucking base that's just outside our town".
Leading on from this, if you were an Iraqi fence-sitter, a bloke hanging around just waiting to see who looked likely to win, what would you do? You could decide to join the puppet regime's forces, but that seems unlikely to me. I think that it's odd-on that you will join the nearest resistence group and be super brave, just to prove that you were on their side all along.
To make matters even worse for you, there is that business of the CIA's "Torture-R-Us" centres that seem to be operating in Europe. Now, I know that the Chimp is has sent his nice tea lady to try and explain all this away, but I don't see this as a goer, do you? Be honest, now. The European Union has announced that any member state that cooperated in any of this could find its EU membership suspended. I reckon that if the choice is between more handouts from the EU and keeping in with Uncle Sam, the Eastern Europeans will know where their bread is buttered, don't you? I expect this scandal to break for just that reason, as various govenment try to cover themselves by dumping the Chimp's men in the shit. When that happens I reckon that the Chimp will be left with his dick hanging out.
Now, I know what you are thinking, lads. You are clutching at the air-power straw, aren't you? The occupiers leave and the USAF is used to keep the sand-niggers in line. Well, we have another problem here, don't we? The problem is how long can the Americans keep turning Iraqi cities into rubble and the rubble into dust before the TV images disgust even you? That is ignoring the argument that bombing Iraq back into the stone age is hardly in keeping with the line that this war was a great act of liberation.
I don't want you to stop wanking over this one, lads. Keep gasping George Galloway's name as you pull desperately on your tiny little todgers. Don't even think about any of the nasty things that I have mentioned above and hope against hope that no bugger notices that the ship is sinking fast. Anything for you lot must be better than the terrible peace that you can surely see on the horizon. If I were you I would pray to whatever infernal gods you worship that this war goes on for a long, long time.
Bring 'em on!