17 November 2005
An open letter to British warmongers.
I was just thinking about you British based hand shandyists for war. You are a diminishing number and it seems as if every day your numbers decline still further. The sites that I have linked to above are about all that is left in the British world 0' blogs. Like six little lambs, that's all you are reduced to.
It was much better three years ago, I know. Then you could strut around like a dog with two dicks, just panting at the thought of the cakewalk to come. Take Johann Hari as a case in point. Up until about a year ago he was a proud member of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders over at Harry's Place. Then he sort of vanished and now he is posting articles about The use of chemical weapons in Fallujah. That's when he's not posting things like, We must ask Iraqis whether they want the troops out - and now they probably do.
Young Johann is clearly a clever bloke: he can recognise sad-arsed losers when he sees them and he decided to get as far away from you lot as he possibly could. There are no flies on him and he will probably emerge from this disaster with his reputation intact.
What about the rest of you? You have followed every twist and turn of American policy. You started out with the WMD nonsense. Then, when that was shown to be utter bollocks you shifted to the idea of bringing democracy to the benighted heathen. By your support for the aggression you implicity supported all the atrocities that this aggression brought in its wake. Probably that's why only one of you has even addressed the issue of chemical weapons in Fallujah. Having at least had the balls to do that, what did he say? It was sort of: "Ooer, they are not chemical weapons, guv: they're thermic." Yes, I can see how the wretched inhabitants of this city will be very comforted by that news.
The simple truth is that torture, the subjugation of a people and the destruction of their territory are what imperialism is all about. You cannot split them apart and only choose the bits you want. If you want to support imperialism, and you do, then you have to take the whole package.
However, that is not the main issue. The main issue is that imperialism is going to lose, and by staying with the (virtual) colours so long, you are going to lose as well. People laugh at you already - think how much worse it will be when the army is withdrawn and defeat can no longer be spun as victory.
What will you do when the guerrilla commanders are handing out medals to their men in city-centre Baghdad, while the corpses of the collaborators dangle from lamp posts? When Blair has been forced to resign in disgrace amidst howls that he be sent off to the Hague? You don't think that this will happen, eh, lads? Think again - all those ex-warmongers who jumped ship early enough will have to prove that they really are anti-war. They will howl the loudest: just trust me on this one.
It's too late to do anything now, lads. Good thing I'm pro-Iraqi, eh? I would hate to be in the same boat as you lot.
P.S. Did you see this article in The Guardian about bloggers? I was seriously taken with the final sentence of the third paragraph. The one that says that what I call hand shandyism for war "is a line of argument that seems not to have diminished, in stridency or popularity, as the Iraq debacle has worsened."
You have to love the way the stilleto gets slipped between the ribs with those last six words. As for me, I prefer a good old twatting hammer, but it's not important how it gets done. The important thing is that you get laughed at.